Evangelion 25 You can(not) remember
by Avreil
Summary: After the red sky, dooming with the Near Third Impact, calmed thanks to the angelic boy, NERV has to keep on the fight to survival, even without a quarantined Asuka, and a missing Shinji. Rei wakes up to a familiar ceiling, but an unfamiliar face accompanied her revival A take on the bridge between 2.0 and 3.0
1. Near Impact

Act 1 - Near Impact

It was like an apocalypse. The air was so strong that breathing was difficult, the sky turned red out of nowhere, and an halo was looming all over Tokyo-3. The bright golden light clashed with the cold, bloody red of the atmosphere. All around the area, the people started to feel strange, as if their bodies were lighter. At the center of the mayhem was a distorted figure, its color was not recognizable, as it kept changing between black, white and red. Four wings spread from that figure, that accompanied the storm with its our screams.

The Third Impact was imminent. Misato watched toward the core of the Impact, unable to ignore the fact that she was the one who insisted on Shinji boarding Eva-01, at least this time. Even when no one believed in him, she forced herself to. Maybe out of pure affection for the boy she took in for months, or maybe because she needed all the help she could afford to not live another Impact. And now, that same boy was the catalyst for the Third Impact. Ironically, the apocalypse was about to happen because Shinji wanted to save a girl. Misato couldn't do anything about it, not even Shinji could have done anything at that point. Human were helpless while facing humanity's doing. Only an Angel, could save them. But the only Angels that visited Nerv were the enemies called after the real ones. Misato closed her eyes and bit her lip, after all that time, after all her effort, she was meant to die in the same way her father did.

In that moment, as if waiting only for everyone to lose hope, a light came from above. Hope was coming to Earth from the Moon.

"This time, I will help you find happiness"

This were the only words Shinji heard, a second before a lance pierced his Eva armor. The same way it started, the mayhem disappeared. The wind quieted, the screams stopped and a blue hole opened in the red sky, descending inside the golden halo that was disappearing as well. The distorted figure at the core of everything took its original shape, the Eva-01, and stopped moving. Floating over him was another of its kind; Evangelion Mark.6 looked like a real Angel.

"What was that?" were the first words of a confused Misato, asking for context. Unfortunately, not even her friend Ritsuko knew what was going on. "That's…an Eva? Is it the American one? No, it does not resemble Mark 4" A little context came from an unexpected and unknown voice, which opened communication with the two girls " That's Mark.6, is the Seelee's boy Evangelion.

To think that would come in handy in a situation like this" the female voice was new to Misato and Ritsuko, but it came from the Eva-02. "Who would you be?" asked Misato aggressively "Chill out, I'm not hostile. My name's Mari, I'm an American pilot, I came here to ride Eva-02 in emergency situations like this one" Misato's anger was growing by the minute "I'm not aware of your arrival, who authorized you boarding the EVA?" "I think it was your boss, but either way. Are you really in the position of being concerned about me right now? Isn't the little boy in some trouble over there?". Misato regained her cool and tried to open a communication with Mark.6, the new Evangelion didn't seem willing to killing the 01's pilot, but she had to make sure. "Ritsuko, is there a way to reach the Mark.6 frequency?" "Try using the 01's channel, maybe they're already talking on that one" Both Misato and Ritsuko tried making connection, but that was not needed.

It was Mark.6 pilot to contact them before they could do anything. "Don't worry Lilin, I've stopped the 01's awakening, but I won't kill Shinji". Misato replied to the mysterious pilot "How do you know Shinji's name?" "I'm Seelee's pilot, I should at least know my colleagues name, miss Misato. But now we have some other issues to thing about, I tried talking with 01's pilots, but I didn't receive any response. Can you organize a rescuing mission?" a radio silence followed the pilot's words, Misato muted her microphone and asked Ritsuko if the HQ was in good shape, to organize a rescue mission for Rei and Shinji, as well as a retrieve of both 01 and 02. After a while the pilot opened the communication again "Ah by the way, I think I was a little rude. I'm Kaworu, nice to meet you"


	2. Familiar ceilings

The first thing that those eye saw when opened was a blue ceiling.

A familiar one,but not a pleasant sight to behold. Not that there was something bad about the ceiling itself; just that it was a place that makes people feel anxious. It was not the case for the patient that was held in that hospital this time. That patient was used to see boring, monochromatic ceilings, and was not one to feel anxious over waking up in a place with no memory of being there before falling asleep. The eyes were looking at the ceiling without rest, while the patient tried to recover the memory to understand the situation. The concentration of the patient was so intense, that completely bypassed the young boy sit on the side of the bed.

"Look who's awake, are you feeling well dear Rei?"

Rei ignored the boy's words, maybe because she didn't know him, maybe because she was too busy trying to recollect her memories.

" That's harsh, Rei. Even if we don't actually know each other, it's rude to ignore a person who stayed with you until your awakening" proclamed the boy, trying to get Rei's attention.

"You're making a fool of me. Even I understand that" said Rei, while she kept her eyes away from the boy.

"Uh, why do you think that?"

"Your voice, it sounds strange. It's showing that you don't care"

"Aaah, it's because of that. Well, I get that a lot. But you have to trust me, I really do care about you. Why would I stay by your side while you were comatose?" said the boy, getting up of his chair.

"I don't know, I don't know a lot of things now. I don't know why I'm here"

Rei was still with her eyes on the ceiling, her last memories were vague. She remembered Shinji's voice, calling for her. But then everything went blank.

"Do you want to know? "

Rei would have usually replied uninterested, if she was not following orders, there was nothing that held meaning for her. But even if she didn't remember anything, something inside her told the girl that she had to know. So for the first time since her awakening, Rei shifted her attention. She looked directly at the boy, a young male with unusual grey hair and red eyes, and nodded.

With a hand gesture the boy invited Rei to follow him. The girl stood up, but fell down right after taking the first step. Her body was still under the effect of heavy painkillers, and she could harldly move her legs. The boy helped her standing up, and lent his shoulder to help her walking.

"My name's Kaworu by the way"

"Who are you?"

"I'm the fifth children. I helped you out in the…situation you found yourself in. But you will understand soon"

The two slowly walked toward the Evangelion's shelter. They arrived, welcomed by a gruesome image. Unit-02 was heavily damaged, but on the way of complete restore. Unit-01 on the other hand was deprived of much of it's armor, showing what seemed to be strange white-ish flesh. And at the same time there was no sign of Rei's Unit-00. Instead a new Evangelion, showing no damage at all, was stored in the hangar.

"Does this scene ring a bell?"

Rei really wanted it to remind her of what happened, but she had no clue. She was staring confusingly at the 3 Evangelions, trying to connect dots that started nowhere and led nowhere. Her eyes stopped for a moment on the new Unit.

"That's Mark.6, my Evangelion. You never really saw it, when I appeared I think you were already passed out. But you should focus on Unit-01, do those damages remind you of something?"

Rei's memories were not returning, but something else's worried the girl, once she processed the image of the damaged 01.

"What happened to Shinji?"

Kaworu let out a small smile.

"To think that your first question would be that. You really changed from last time Lilith" whispered Kawory to himself. Seeing Rei expression being different from her usual cold an emotionless one was refreshing.

" He's vanished"

"What do you mean vanished"

" I mean that, after the battle, he was nowhere to be found. His synchronization with Unit-01 surpassed every conceivable limit, and after I stopped the Unit from starting the Third Impact, he was absorbed by the Evangelion itself"

"Third Impact? What…what happened? Why can't I remember"

"I thought that showing you the 01 condition could have triggered some memories, but it seems like it didn't. Then we have to proceed in the…not really pleasant way. Not that those memories will be pleasant to you in any way you recover them."

Kaworu watched Rei with a strange, pitiful look.

"The tenth angel attacked the GeoFront. You tried to kill it, by performing a suicide attack. That didn't go well, you lost to the Angel, that then ate Unit 00. As you can see, Unit 02 also suffered damage from the battle, but after your battle, it was 01's turn. Shinji boarded the Evangelion and tried to save you. He managed to defeat the angel, but refused to destroy its core. You were being kept in there"

Memories were triggered in Rei's head. She remembered. The N2 bomb suicide attack, Shinji leaving the city, the Angel defeating her, and then, a red cockpit, in which she cowered, repeating to herself that she could be replaced. And she was sure of that sentence. Rei is not a person, Rei is a group of dolls, easy to replace, with no place in the world, and no meaning aside from obeying Gendo's orders. But there was someone who didn't think of her that way. " Rei, take my hand" those word were echoing in Rei's mind.

"Shinji tried to save you from inside that core. And he made it it seems, but in doing that, he fused Unit-01 body and the Angel's: triggering the Third Impact."

Rei face went pale, for one's that was not used to manage complex emotions, the overflowing stream of fear and tension was hard to handle. Kaworu understood it, and cut the story short

"Don't worry, the Impact didn't happen. I stopped it, but after we retrieved Unit-01, we only found you inside it."

Kaworu looked Rei

"Take your time remembering, but if you happen to know something about Shinji's whereabouts, please let us know. You know, you are not the only one worried about him"

The boy pointed to the platform used to board Unit-01, in which Rei could see Misato and Ritsuko arguing.

"Come on, standing here won't do any good, not now that I told you everything." Said Kaworu lending a shoulder to Rei. The boy took Rei back to her hospital room in Nerv's base. They were catched by the medics that took the girl and put her back to bed. She was not in shape to walk in their opinion. But Rei's mind was somewhere else. Question were filling her brain, about what's happened, about Shinji, and above all else, about why she was caring.


	3. Missing pieces

" What do you mean by repairing Unit-01? We should search for Shinji in it!"

Misato was shouting while in front of the damaged Evangelion, which was being repaired while she was speaking. The interlocutor for her screams was none other than her friend, Ritsuko Akagi, leading the NERV R&D department.

" Those were the orders given by the higher ups"

"You mean that captain Ikari gave the order? I understand he's not in a close relationship with its own son, but it's inhuman to not even considering a recover mission for his disappered body!"

Misato was shaking with anger. She felt like she came to appreciate the boy much more than his own father did.

"Misato, contain your feelings. What would happen if another angel attacks and we don't have any Eva to face him off? You saw how deadly the Angels can be. And that was not the last of them. We will need Unit-01"

"Are they really thinking on activating that thing again? After what happened with the last angel?"

"That angel could fuse itself with the Evangelions. It's like the one that interfered in the Unit-04 testings. We cannot assume it was a 01 issue. And now the Unit has been restored to normal. It won't be the first choice, but if needed it will be re-activated"

"We don't even have pilots anymore. Why can't someone care about Shinji a little more. He was even quitting the fight"

Misato was on the verge of crying. His eyes were teared up in a mixed bag of sorrow and frustration. She was NERV commander, but her status meant nothing, she couldn't even save Shinji.

"We have pilots, Three in fact. Rei was saved, she will be in perfect shape soon. Then we have the two new Children: Nagisa and Mari."

Misato didn't reply, she tried to reason with Ritsuko, but on a cynical basis Ristuko was right. The Evangelions, were necessary in case of another Angel attack, and NERV had all the Children it needed to continue the project. It was not that there was not any pilot left, but it simply the two Misato took in were in unknown condition. Shinji being disappered inside the EVA and Asuka, being treated in an unaccessible floor inside NERV's base.

"Misato, we will find him. I will keep on the research to understand why the EVA absorbed him. But we cannot put humanity in an even greater risk than the one in which is right now. Now, go home. You need some rest"

Without letting out any words, but only giving a little nod, Misato took off and left NERV. She was stuck at work since the last Angel's attack, and didn't get any chance to sleep. Now that the NERV staff was only performing repairing activities, she could rest. She knew she was not needed, but didn't want to go home. Not alone. The reason of why she didn't want to was clear in her mind the moment she entered her apartment. It was empty. And the loneliness of that place was too heavy for her. She took in two children, they were always arguing, screaming, messing with her. And now she was once again alone. And to make the atmosphere even heavier, she felt guilty for both of them.

The test for Unit-04 was not meant to involve Asuka. And after the battle with the 01, she couldn't even see her. And Shinji…Shinji was meant to leave NERV, never to come back. He returned because he wanted to save Rei, it was obvious, but Misato couldn't shake off her mind the fact that her words when Shinji left could have been a catalyst for his actions.

Misato opened her fridge, taking a beer off and putting herself to bed. With alcohol used to ease her pains, the girl tried to rest, but it was only then that she noticed that, on her phone, there was a message hanging. She started that message, hearing a familiar voice.

"Hi Misato, I need to ask you a favor"

It was Kaji's voice. In hearing it, Misato felt a little better, as if she remembered that in her life there was something to hold on to. The message continued"

"When you hear this, I will probably be gone. I need you to ask a favor. I have a little field full of cucumbers, I need you to grow them. Shinji knows where it is. And…I'm sorry, I could never say what I wanted to say."

The message ended like that.

An empty ending.

And like that, Misato last hope vanished.

Kaji left her, like she left him years before, only that this time, it was forever.

The girl tried to drink as much as she could, but alcohol was not helping. Her pain didn't go away. And like that, she stayed there, staring at the familiar ceiling of her own home, crying. Thinking about all the missing pieces, that left her life in a span of 3 days.

\- End of Episode 1: the Aftermath -


	4. Interlude -1-

"Your actions will be jugded be the Seelee commission, Ikari. What happened yesterday cannot be ignored, if our Children didn't intervene, the Third Impact would have been initiated."

The voice, trasmitted through radio recording, echoed in the dark room.

In such room there were red and black slates, disposed in a circle. In the middle of that circle, a single chair, with a single man, burdening the judgment of the Seelee executives. Gendo Ikari, director of NERV in Japan, was being judged by its own allies.

"Director Ikari, we shouldn't remind you of how this story is supposed to end. The Human Instrumentality Project is not something that can fail. We know how strenuous it must be fighting the Angels, but remember, NERV's primary objective is not their annihilation."

One after another, the slated lighten to talk to Gendo,that stood silently on his chair.

" As of now, we decided to leave both our Children, Kaworu, and its Evangelion on NERV HQ. That should help you in the fight with the last Angels."

That was the last sentence to came out of the Seelee executives, that laid in silence, awaiting for a response from the NERV director.

Only in that moment, Gendo replied to the slates.

" The script of the Dead Sea Scrolls is still being followed, Human Instrumentality Project will be executed as planned"

After that phrase, the room lighten up, and the slates circling Gendo disappeared, revealing another human in that room, previously shrouded in darkness.

"They really don't trust us uh?" claimed Fuyutsuki, who listened to the whole discussion

"It's expected, they want to tighten the leash around us. They left their Children with us to keep an eye on NERV movements"

"So, what do you intend to do ?"

"For now, nothing. With Unit - 01 being awakened we have an advantage, but we need to consider carefully when to use that advantage."

"What about the Seelee children? Should we let him fight?"

"We don't have much choice in that regard. But still…"

Gendo stopped talking and thought for a moment. He couldn't imagine a situation in which the Seelee boy would betray NERV before the last Angel attacks. But there was something else's in his mind.

"Can we revitalize that girl?"

Fuyustuki was surprised by Gendo's sudden question, he never really cared about Asuka, and actually voted to isolate her and study her body's behaviour after the Angel contact.

"You want Asuka to return to Unit - 02?"

"Yes, we can control the Seelee boy, at least until the last angel arrives. But that girl, the american one, I cannot trust her. She knows too much about Evas. She knew how to trigger their berserk mode, so I suppose she could also know what they actually are, and what purpose do they serve."

"And what will you do with her?"

"Nothing, we'll keep an eye on her. I only need her to not board an Evangelion."

"Interesting, I never thought you would think so highly of a mere student"

A mere student, those words haunted Gendo. How could that "mere student" know so much about Evangelions? Maybe it was all speculation on his part, and she only assisted in the EVA construction, but something felt off about her. After giving the order to revitalize Asuka to Fuyutsuki, Gendo was left alone in his office, and as always, he stood still, sit in his usual place, cutting the world off his mind, failing to cope with reality, and hiding his true intention to the world.


	5. Savior of None

"Go away, I'm not worth saving. I'm disposable, if I die, another one of me will take my place. So please, leave me Shinji."

Holding Shinji's MP3 in her hands, Rei tried to cut herself away for life. She knew he would have tried to save her, but she needed to restrain from asking his help. If possible, Rei wanted Shinji to live, to kill the angel and just live on. But instead, some seconds later, her cage broke. Shinji lent his hand to the girl that had no value, while being in excruciating pain.

"No way, take my hand"

In that moment, Rei couldn't refuse. By lending his hand to the girl that had no meaning in her existence, Shinji gave the girl a value. Rei remembered that moment, Rei remembered Shinji's action, but that was the end of her knowledge. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember what happened after that. There was no clue on Shinji disappearance in her mind.

For days, she closed her eyes, force herself to remember, and then end up staring at that blue ceiling, that now could be considered familiar in her eyes. The time passed, and three days later, something broke her painful routine. A roommate arrived. The doctors pushed a bed with attached a lot of strange machines to the side of Rei's bedroom. At first she didn't care for it, as she was absorbed in her thoughts. After some hours, tired of thinking, Rei looked to the other bed, recognizing a familiar face.

"Asuka?"

It was strange for Rei calling Asuka with her first name, but after she offered to switch places on the 04's tests she felt like they shared some kind of bond, however frail that was. Unfortunately, Rei never discovered if Asuka actually acted out of kindness, as she was involved with the Angel incident, but she inherently felt a connection starting to form with the girl. And now she was there, in a bedroom right beside her. Asuka didn't respond to Rei's exclamation. She was still comatose.

And then, something happened in Rei's mind. A need, a need she didn't ever remembered having. She wanted Asuka to talk to her. So she stood up, and she tried walking to the girl's bedroom side. Her body feeling weak, Rei fell, and while trying to stop the fall, the tore Asuka's shirt.

"Why? Why did that had to happen at that time?"

Rei's started to get up, using everything in her reach to stand.

"I…I just tried to connect them. I wanted everyone to just try to be happy. Are we cursed to not being able to do even this?"

Rei stood at the edge of Asuka's bed and tried to shake her, wanting the girl to wake up and mind her questions.

"Is this what are we paying for playing with Adam's body?"

The girl knew about Adam, about Eva's true nature, but she didn't know why they were all needed aside from the usual "to save humanity" motto everyone repeated. But, if Adam's body was never to be bothered, would any of that really happen? Sometimes knowledge is dangerous, and can damage the mind of the wise. And in that situation Rei, which was the only one to know some details of the NERV constructions, felt damaged by her memories.

The memories which very well remembered her pain the day in which Asuka was involved in the incident, which very well remembered her good intentions broken, which very well remember Shinji saving her, but that couldn't remember anything that could help her. A mind cursed to think only of negative memories, cursed to not being able to help anyone.

"It's not like I'm not trying…I'm trying. And I think I could help everyone, but even so…but even so…"

Rei started frustratingly crying on the bedroom's edge. She didn't know what to do. She never had to value anything strongly, but now, now that hand lent to her, gave her value. She needed to understand that, she needed to help Shinji, but she felt helpless; in a situation that couldn't be solved by simply going on a suicide attack and then hope another "good" Rei takes her place. She had to save him, and she had to be alive waiting for his return. She felt happy thinking Shinji would be sad without her, but bearing the responsabilty to survive was hard.

Withouth even knowing, Rei got closer to Asuka, and placer her head on the girl's exposed chest. Feeling something new, Rei understood the sensation of being hold by a sister, something she only read about in books, and for the first time in 3 days, she could let some of her worries go. Even if she felt a little guilty in resting without any info on retrieving Shinji's body, the hours spent without sleep resulted in her falling slowly asleep, while embracing her former lost companion. And in her cries, a little mumbling could be heard, before the girl fell asleep for good

"In the end, I'm the Savior of None"


	6. Spark of Light

"You should have stayed home also today Misato, there's no Angel in sight; you should rest while it's possible."

Maya talked to Misato while she was entering Nerv through he identification doors.

"Don't worry Maya, I'm fine."

Misato cracked a smile, but her movements were stiff. She was forcing herself to behave like usual, but on the inside, every action felt heavy. Even the simple action of smiling requested an high amount of energy. Misato tried to hide her difficulties, but in each of her steps it could be seen how strenuous was for her being there. Maya reached for her ankle, but when she tried to comfort Misato in some way, she was interrupted by a phrase that very much represented why Misato was putting herself in that situation.

"And after all, I cannot just wait. Shinji could be lost forever"

Saying that, Misato went silent until the two girls reached the test room, where the 01's cockpit was being analyzed. The room was dimly lit and completely empty, if not for the chief scientist, Ristuko Akagi, which was immersed in the data displayed by her computer.

"Hi Ristuko"

"Misato! What are you doing here? Even the commander Ikari advised on letting you rest for some time, you should take the opportunity"

"Well, you know. I'm not sleeping really well lately, so I thought on checking the situation here"

Ristuko didn't insist on the matter, she glanced in Misato direction, and after seeing her tired eyes, no explanation was needed.

"I can't blame you, I'm having some sleeping issues myself. But, given that we're here, do you want to know how's the study to bring back Shinji's going right?"

"Yes"

Misato's tone was a mix of desperation and determination,a perfect match for her face, which was clearly showing the effect of the tears dropped.

"As we suspected, Shinji's disappearance is linked to the mental connection between the pilot and the Eva. When he was trying to save Rei, he surpassed the 300% threshold, becoming one with the mech. Rei claims to have seen Shinji reaching out to her while she was trapped in the angel, and I think that after that happened, the high concentration of LCL and the natural connection between Shinji and Unit-01 caused Shinji's body to unite with the Eva."

"Is there a way to save him?"

"Straight to the point huh? Well, I performed some tests with Unit-01, and I found out something interesting when trying to connect the Dummy System to it. The Dummy is rejected, the Unit starts putting of some light movements, like shaking, and while this is happening, I detect the wavelenght of Shinji's thoughts. I think he's alive, inside the Unit, but on how to retrieve him…I have no ideas. His body it's not physically contained in the Eva, but he entered the EVA structure as LCL."

"So, no way to retrieve him you say?"

"I'm working on it. But as of now, I can't say I'm optimistic about this."

Expecting another breakdown from Misato, Ristuko tried to put reality in the sweetest way possible. But Misato didn't react with an outburst of rage like some days before. She stood there, watching the EVA in the other room, behind the wall of glass.

"So, you're somewhere in there…why don't you come back"

Ristuko could just make out Misato whispering, the information about Shinji being alive helped the girl a little. Even if now she had some other doubts in her mind. Before letting Misato going on a downwards spiral with her thoughts, Ritsuko stopped her by letting her on the good news.

"I will continue working on this, but Shinji's life is not in danger. We just need to restore his body. Aside from this, I advice you go check the medical wing."

"Are you saying I should check out on Rei? I will"

"Well, yes. But there's a girl that's more important in your life that's currently being hospitalized."

"What do you mean?"

"They released Asuka from the quarantine, it's in the hospital. The doctor said she should wake up soon"

Misato run out of the room, without giving Ritsuko the chance to see the emotions showing in her face. She run until she arrived in the hospital wing…but then she realized she didn't ask for the room. NERV hospital wing helped Neo-Tokyo hospital after the Angel's attacks, so there were a lot of room occupied, even if no visitor was actually allowed in those rooms.

"Maybe Rei knows"

Thinking this, Misato went to Rei's room, she opened the door and entered while saying "Hi Rei, are you feeling better?", but once Misato entered she saw Rei not on her bed, but hanging half on her roomate bed. The blue haired girl was laying sleeping with her head on her roomate chest, with tears in her eyes, but a face showing a little relief. That's because, with the few energy she had left, her roomate put her hand of her head, and patted her. The girl had enough energy to look in Misato's direction, to give her her the same relief she had in given Rei.

"Hello, Misato"

Cracking a little smile, a weak but awake Asuka greeted Misato. She was just awake, with confused memories and little energy, in the same situation Rei found herself in some days before. But the first thing she saw, was a girl needing her help, and by feeling needed, Asuka mustered the strenght to be the light of relief for Rei first, and Misato now.

"I'm sorry Asuka, We should have done something to prevent the Angel attack"

Asuka didn't answer, she just watched Misato. In her eyes there was no hate for the girl that was apologizing. There was simply a feint, little spark of kindness, the kindness Asuka never received, but was now able to give to the girls who needed her. Misato cracked herself a little smile, watching was basically was her faint, spark of light.

—

Some minutes later, Kaworu watched from the edge of the door, and saw Misato, sitting on a chair, watching Asuka and Rei sleeping. In that moment, it almost seemed like the three girls were able to rest.

"Those girls are essential for your happiness Shinji. I just hope they will be strong enough to resist until the day comes."

Kaworu walked away, only to meet another pilot.

"Were you stalking on them?"

"Well, it seems like I'm not the only one. Makinami Mari"

"I'm just keeping an eye on you. Making sure nothing happens, we risked a lot when Unit 01 awakened."

"Don't worry, I'm here to fight alongside you…and alongside them."

Kaworu started walking, leaving Mari behind, before whispering some words, that Mari couldn't really hear

"And you should be ready too, abnormal Children. The next angel will arrive soon"


	7. The Eleventh

A week passed from the day Asuka was taken out of the quarantine. She didn't seem to have been severely injured, but her recovery was still really slow. Only after a week she was able to stay awoken for more than some minutes. Every day the medics came by and injected her with some sacks of blood. Even if no injury was seen on her body, she probably lost a lot of blood in the 9th angel fight. Whatever cure she was put under during the quarantine, it seemed to have worked well.

"So, now that idiot is disappeared"

Seeing the girl feeling better, Misato aligned her on NERV and Shinji situation.

"Look what happens when I leave him for some weeks"

Asuka watched in Rei's bed direction. The bed was now empty, as the girl was released some days before.

"It didn't work out as you thought huh?"

Said Asuka sighing.

"Well, we're working on retrieving his body, it seems like it's still somewhere inside the Unit-01. But as of now you should focus on recovering."

Misato wrapped up the discourse before leaving the room, headed to Ristuko whereabouts.

"I'm happy you're ok 't do anything stupid while you're recovering, I need you"

Asuka blushed a little hearing Misato's words, but it only took some seconds in solitude for Asuka to start thinking. She had to recover, but after hearing the emergency situation in which NERV was, she ought to return on the 02. She tried right away to stand, but fell right after, her legs still feeling numb from the long sleep. Some moments after, a girl entered the room and burst out laughing at the sight of Asuka trying to walk only to fall repeatedly.

"You're ok little princess?"

"Yes, you don't have to worry, whoever you are"

Replied Asuka, still trying to walk, and still falling.

"You should be careful, you will only end up worsening your situation"

"That's none of your business"

The girl approached Asuka and lent her a hand.

"Come on, don't be stubborn and let me help you reaching back to your bed"

The girl put Asuka back on her bed and then proceeded with saying her name to the other Children.

"You know, I heard the Third was stubborn, but I didn't know you were a masochist. I'm Mari Illustrious Makinami, it's a pleasure"

"Are you new around here? What's your role?"

"I'm the Fourth Children, I'm came here as a substitute for you…well, now I'm more of a substitute for Shinji I suppose"

"So you're the one who broke my Unit-02."

"Hey,that was a really desperate situation you know? I had to do it"

"Not that you helped much from what I heard"

While the two were talking, an alarm rang through all the headquarters. An Angel appeared somewhere.

"Sorry princess, I wanted to talk to you more, but I need to go."

Asuka watched Mari while she ran out of the room, heading for the Launch platform. Asuka wanted to go pilot the Eva herself, but she couldn't. Not only her body was not in shape to piloting the Evangelion, but she couldn't risk a stupid death, not while Misato and Rei needed her. After a life feeling useless outside the EVA, suddendly Asuka worried about something outside of the battlefield.

"Mari"

Asuka screamed from her bed

"Don't destroy my Unit-02 again"

Mari turned around, winked, and returned running towards the launch pad.

—

Rei heard the alarm message while she was eating lunch. It was late to have lunch, but Ritsuko kept her occupied for some long tests in the morning, to make sure she could board the EVA again if needed. The tests were positive, Rei still had the potential to pilot, and because of it, upon hearing the alarm, the girl abandoned her lunch and run to the launch pad.

She was the first to reach the launch pad, ready to start with even her plug suit on. Her Unit-00 was no more, but she was to be ready to launch inside of one of the available Units if needed. She was a reserve that day, but still, she arrived first to the hangar. Being alone in front of the 01, she had the time to think. She felt like she cheated death, sacrificing someone who had a more valuable life then hers. The guilt devoured her heart, together with some other feelings, that she couldn't recognize.

"Don't worry Lilin, he's still in there"

Kaworu, ready to board his Unit-06, approached Rei, causing the girl to return to reality.

" Are you afraid of riding that same Unit?"

"I…don't know"

"Will you ride it if they order you to?"

"Yes"

"Why? Because you have to obey their orders, or because you want to make contact with Shinji?"

Rei didn't reply, staring at the floor, while the grey haired boy reached for the cockpit of Unit-06. Kaworu looked towards the girl and sighed.

"His happiness also depends on you. You will make the right choice I'm sure"

Rei didn't really understand Kaworu words. She only knew him for a week, but she felt like he was somewhat of a strange person. He was always talking in riddles, he seemed to understand everyone, but he never explained anything. She felt envy for that boy, as he seemed to understand the empathy she struggled with.

Kaworu launched with his EVA, and while Misato reached for Rei through the hangar speakers.

"We will only launch Kaworu for now, Unit-06 is the strongest Evangelion according to the chief. We will launch you only if necessary"

In that moment Mari arrived to the hangar, ready to launch with Unit-02.

"Mari, you too are in stand-by here"

"Uh? Why? Are you only sending the moon boy on the mission? Are you serious?"

"Those are the chief orders"

"Bullshit"

Mari kicked the first thing she found near her. Unfortunately this thing being the steel box of the Medikit, that hurt her feet. Rei watched the girl arguing with no avail, she was behaving in a similiar way as Asuka, the first times she piloted at NERV. Being there with Mari, Rei felt a lot better than being with Kaworu. She cracked a smile toward Mari, that replied, smiling back.

"Well, it seems like we're here boring the sit out of ourselves today. You wanna talk of something?"

"Talk?"

"Yes, we can like, talk shit behind everyone's back. We're here alone in this hangar after all"

"I…I'm not really good at talking."

"It seems like something of a trend here. I will be surprised if I'll find someone who's outgoing here. But that's not an issue"

"How's not?"

"Well, it's not like being good at talking is really important in situation like this. We only have to waste some time"

Saying that, Mari started talking nonsense to Rei, that never answered. But Mari just didn't seem to stop. She kept going, forcing Rei to listen, and before she knew, Rei actually found herself listening to Mari's nonsense. The two girls were sitting there, in the middle of the hangar, alone. Not a good place to be in, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

—

"Blue diagram, that's an Angel confirmed."

"So the eleventh arrived"

In the battle room Misato started giving direction to the only pilot on the battlefield.

"Kaworu, how the situation?"

"The target didn't attack yet. He's standing near the mountains on the outskirts."

"That's strange. They usually are pretty aggressive, and they attack right here on the QG"

The angel was tall like an Eva, he had the core well exposed, but Kaworu's instruction were to be cautious and not open fire immediately. Unit-06 was near one of the power charging station in Neo-Tokyo, but he had a sniper rifle to reach the core of the Angel which was some kilometers away from him.

"Keep an eye on him, we have to figure out what's his trump card. It seems like he's inviting us to shoot him right away."

Kaworu watched through the sniper's sight and noticed something on the back of the Angel.

"It seems like…he's carrying something"

"Can you understand what is it that its carrying?"

"It seems like…like a flower?"

"A flower?"

In that moment the angel let out a screeching noise The flower he carried on it's back grew up of his shoulder and bloomed. It was a red rose, that grew directly on the angel body. The taint of the red was that of the blood. After that "flower" bloomed, a yellow light hit Unit-06. The Unit didn't register any physical damage, but the EVA fell to the ground.

"Kaworu? Kaworu did you hear us?"

Misato tried to reach for the pilot, with no avail.

"Connection with Unit-06 lost"

Shouted Maya

"What do you mean lost? Wasn't that supposed to be the best EVA Unit?"

"It seems like the light emitted by the angel it's infecting the pilot thoughts"

"Recover the Unit, fast"

"The Evangelion fell outside the recovery platform, we cannot recover it"

Misato turned and glanced in Gendo's direction.

"We need to send another pilot. I ask you to give us the permission to send Mari"

Gendo answered firmly

"Send Rei"

"What? Chief, Rei is not in the best condition to be sent"

"I said to send Rei. It will be alright, we cannot afford to have the Fourth making a mess of the city like last time."

"But, Rei cannot pilot Unit-02. She didn't met the right parameters to pilot that Unit"

"Use 01"

Misato had to restrain herself. Sending 01 could endanger Shinji's life. Gendo was not thinking about his own son at all, not only he didn't think of any way to focus research on saving him before the attack, he was now ordering to use the Unit which is keeping him prisoner.

"Don't you think of your own son?"

"That's an order general Katsuragi. Don't let the emotions carry you, we cannot risk to have a crazy pilot destroy everything in a rampage only to save another pilot"

First he sacrificed Asuka, now he was willing to risk Shinji. Misato couldn't bear to look at Gendo's face. But still, she had to accept those orders. Biting her lip she opened the communication with the hangar speakers and gave the order.

"Rei, board on Unit-01"

Misato bet her lips until they bled. She knew how cruel that order was. To have Rei pilot 01. To have Rei risking to kill Shinji. Risking to undo Shinji's sacrifice.

Rei got up, ignoring Mari's swearing against that order.

In her mind the thoughts that tormented her raised again. She feared that boearding the 01 could kill Shinji, but at the same time, she wanted to board on the Evangelion. She wanted to return in that cockpit, to synchronize with Unit-01, to synchronize with Shinji, hid inside that mecha.

Rei entered the cockpit, sunk into the LCL and activated Unit-01.

She could feel it.

Shinji was answering her.

She could pilot.

She could fight the eleventh.


	8. The boy with the train ticket

"Eva-01, Lift off"

With the same words as always, Misato reluctantly gave the order to launch Rei outside.

"Listen Rei, the first part of the mission is to retrieve Kaworu and Unit-06. We will regroup and come up with a plan then"

Misato tried to gave those instruction to Rei, hoping to have a mean to avoid having the girl fighting the eleventh once again, a voice from above cut through Misato words, overwriting her orders.

"Rei, you must attack the angel."

"Chief, are you ordering a suicide attack?"

"Calm down Katsuragi, I'm not ordering Rei to go on a suicide mission. I'm just analyzing the facts. Now is the best time to attack the enemy. Look behind its back. The rose is growing back slowly, we do not know what the rose's explosion does, but if we can attack in while the rose's growing we won't need to consider it."

Not leaving his serious stance, Gendo replied to Misato.

"Katsuragi, I understand you wanting to save the two pilots, but should I remind you the priorities? If we cannot attack now we could lose the possibility to. Angels can adapt faster than we anticipate, we have to take every occasion"

"You're right chief"

With only those words, Misato turned around. Gendo's standpoint made sense, but that only added fuel to Misato's frustration.

"It's always like this. He always make sense, but lacks the compassion to back it up" thought Misato.

Misato lost herself in her thoughts for a moment, failing to notice that Gendo whispered something at the end of his phrase. Only Fuyustuki could hear what the chief had to say. But those words were better listened by someone else, as Fuyustuki already knew Gendo, and having the confirmation of it's true self was nothing new for him.

In the confusion, Misato also failed to notice how Rei responded to the order, and was now running towards the Angel. She ran with her giant Evangelion for some kilometers, her connection with 01 was unprecedented, she felt like she was controlling her own body, but on a much larger scale. She jumped over the smaller houses on the outskirts, over the electrical cables hanging all around the city and finally arrived near the Angel. Being outside of the city, she obviously didn't have alimentation for her EVA, so she now had left only 3 minutes to kill the eleventh.

Rei unleashed the Eva-01 knife and attacked the angel, her way of handling the knife backwards was different from Shinji's, preferring a more defensive approach instead of the boy's often desperate attacks. This attitude helped Rei, as the Angel counterattacked. With an extended arm, similiar to the ones the Tenth used, the Angel tried to catch the 01, but the knife cut through the arm, and Rei could continue to run towards him. When Rei was at her melee's range, the Angel shifted.

The rose that was growing on its back broke off its body and the angel itself lost his own form, becoming like a long, faceless snake. And like a snake the Angel enveloped the Eva-01, trying to disable all of the Evangelion's movements. Rei cut the Angel a lot of times, his body was not that resilient, but after every cut, the Angel could regenerate itself.

"I need to hit the core, someone sees it?"

Rei asked help from the command room, the cameras with which the team was watching over her were used to look at the angel, but no core was seen. At that moment Misato had an intuition.

"The flower Rei, the core it's probably there"

Getting near the flower was not gonna be easy, with the Angel that had every intention of getting in her way. Rei tried to run directly to the blooming flower, that was nearing its blooming stage. She had little time because of both the flower and the battery of the EVA running out. But dashing to the flower was a mistake. The superior speed of the Angel brought forth Rei's defeat. The Angel enveloped her and stopped her movement.

"Rei get behind something"

Misato tried shouting to the girl, but she couldn't do anything. The flower exploded once again in a divine like light.

Unit-01 fell to the ground, seeming lifeless.

The command room tried to reach Rei, but like with Kaworu, the effort were to no avail.

Misato stood there, watching at the screen.

The flower light was reminiscent of the Second Impact.

She had many flashbacks in the back of her mind, but those were all stopped by a simple thought.

A thought she almost buried under her life experience, but that was now surfacing once again.

"That light, wasn't that supposed to represent hope?"

—

Rei opened her eyes, she was watching toward the ceiling.

Another unknown ceiling.

This time, it wasn't the hospital one.

The grey, metal which composed the ceiling was brimming with the red of a twilight, while the faint noise of the railroads accompanied Rei's awakening.

"A…train?"

Rei questioned the place she found herself in, before being interrupted by a boy

"A train"

Rei watched in the direction of the voice, and saw Shinji.

"Shinji?"

"That's me"

Rei felt a strange sensation, she should be happy after finding Shinji. But something felt off, both in her heart and in the situation they found themselves with.

"Why are we on a train?"

" This is the train of destiny"

"What?"

"I don't get it myself."

The two stood there, watching outside the windows of the train. The outset didn't really seem strange. It seemed like a normal city setting, not the Tokyo-3 one, but something on a much smaller scale in Japan.

"Hey Rei"

Shinji broke the silence

"Are you alive?"

Rei watched Shinji, she was confused by the boy's words.

"Yes, you saved me back there. Don't you remember?"

"No, that's not it. I know I saved you, it's written on the ticket. I was asking…do you feel alive?"

Ignoring the ticket part, Rei focused on the second half of Shinji's phrase.

"I…"

She didn't really find the words to express herself

"You know…I found you really difficult to approach. You…didn't seem really alive. You behaved like a doll. But then after the battle with Ramiel…I thought something changed in you. Both your words before the battle and the smile you directed toward me at the end. I don't know how to describe it…those felt genuine."

Rei felt a warming feeling in her heart. She never actually stopped to process her feelings, but that was probably the first time she felt something towards Shinji.

"But then…you ran in a suicide attack against the Tenth Angel. Why did you do it. It's so incoherent. I…I just lost Asuka and then you also were going to die in your plans. If that attack succeded, even killing the Angel in the process, what would have happened?

"Another one would have taken my place"

"And you wanted that?"

"I…I had to execute the orders. I wanted to save humanity, as humans are not replaceable. But I am, so I'm not that valuable"

"You really think this?"

"Yes, I was born to be a Children, But if I die, another Rei will replace me. I have no value, I don't need to hold value, as I was not created to"

"Is the reason why you were created the only thing that decides what you are? We do not know what created us, is our life meaningless because of it?"

Rei didn't know how to answer, not because she didn't know the answer she believed in, but because she was too afraid to say it. In that moment the train stopped. No voice announced the station, but the doors opened.

"This is your stop, Rei"

Shinji pointed to the door

"You must exit this place, and live on"

"Are you not coming?"

Rei took Shinji's arm and pulled it, that left a sincere smile on Shinji's face.

"You know where is this train headed?"

"How should I?"

"When I'm alone on the train, the signal turns on and says that the train is directed to a place called the promised station"

"What does it matter? We can jump off now"

"No, I think that's the place when I have to go. Anyway, I cannot exit. Only those with a ticket can, and I don't have one"

Shinji held a ticket, but he handed it over to Rei.

"This is yours. I'm sorry but it's not directed to the promised station, it's just a ticket to survive"

"Use it yourself and jump off"

"I can't, this is your ticket. Those are nominal. And my ticket is over there"

Shinji pointed to a place farther ahead, on the train. In the distance, Rei could see another boy, sit in its place, with a ticket in his hand. Rei tried to go and take the ticket, but a wall of air blocked her way

"I think I have to wait a little more. He actually said that to me. That he was here to bring me happiness. But it seems like he still can't."

Shinji reached to Rei and hold her hand.

"Thank you, Rei. Please live on, it's heavy to persist, I gave up so many times, so I may not be the best example. But let me ask this favor, live on."

In that moment, Rei felt something other than Shinji's hand, it was the ticket. The moment she touched the ticket she found herself outside the train, powerlessly watching it go away.

Rei watched the sun and wondered.

Who was the boy who promised to make Shinji happy?

Who was the boy with the train ticket?


	9. Mari Makinami

After Rei boarded the EVA, Mari waited alone in the hangar for news.

She had no mean to watch over the battle occurring outside, so she could only wait for news in the hangar.

She understood how they didn't send her, and had a pretty good idea of why that was. They couldn't dispose of her, as she was sent to represent the American faction of NERV, so they benched her. Fated to be the last resort. She closed her eyes, almost as she was giving up on riding the EVA for that day. Some minutes passed, minutes so boring and heavy that the girl almost fell asleep on the iron plate beside which she was resting. But then, the speakers opened communication to an unexpected message.

"Mari, board on 02. You're gonna exit to fight"

Mari got up and started walking towards the 02 cockpit.

"Seems like the little doll failed."

She smirked and boarded the EVA.

"Well, the battle is to the strong"

The LCL fluid filled the cockpit, giving off the strange blood-like smell of its. Differently from every other pilot, Mari seemed to enjoy taking the fluid in her lungs. In that cockpit she felt good. Is not that she felt like piloting the Eva gave her meaning, like Asuka did, she just enjoyed the ride.

"Your first mission is to take the 06 to safety, he's close to the deploying station 3, 3 kilometers away from where you will be deployed, if you can drag it on the platform we will recover him. We don't know Kaworu condition, but if he's okay he could be useful in giving intel about what the angel does"

Misato dropped a lot of orders on Mari, talking without really taking any pause to breath. She showed panic and a little frustration, emotions that Mari read clearly, and from them she understood that the situation was as bad as she thought.

"Ok madam. Any idea on what the Angel does ? I understand from your explanation that he deactivated the Evangelions, but have you any idea on how he did it?"

" There's a giant rose placed outside the city, that when the flower blooms there's a flash and that's when we lose contact with the units."

Quite an important information, the fact that Misato left that out showed even clearly how panicked she actually was to Mari.

"Is there a route I can use to be constantly protected from the light?"

"You can hide behind some of the deployable shield in various part of the city"

That wouldn't be enough from a strategic standpoint. This operation was doomed to fail, it was desperate, Mari who only assisted to the NERV HQ's operations against the tenth and eleventh angel was wondering how they managed to get that far like that. Maybe the princess and the little boy really were that good.

"It's ok, I can manage"

"Good, Eva-02, lift off"

Mari was launched on to the battlefield in the centre of Neo-Tokyo. As soon as she popped out of the railroads that stopped her once out, she saw the flower. The rose grew so big to be seen clearly without any help from technological binoculars. That was not a good sign, Mari launched herself behind a cover, dodgning just in time another explosion of light.

For a moment the light reigned on the whole Neo-Tokyo, but then the situation returned to normal, with Unit-02 still operational.

"Good, this means that the trigger for the EVA loss of communication is watching the explosion, it's not something in the air or a sound. That makes everything easier."

The Rose was now starting to grow back up, Mari thought on going directly for the Angel's core, seeing that the flower needed time to grow enough to unleash another explosion. But at the same time it was not sage of her to disobey the orders right of the bat, especially seeing how untrustworthy she was considered inside of NERV HQ. Eva-02 sprinted, reaching the 06 Unit. Mari tried to open communication with Kaworu, and after some tries she got through.

"Oi moon guy, are you okay?"

The tired voice of Kaworu answered

"Yes, that light just messes with your brain. Physically I'm ok, but I don't now exactly what happened after the light reached to me"

The flower in background was still far from complete.

"DO you think you can take another explosion?"

"You want me to trigger the explosion to then approach the Angel?"

"Yes, I think I can reach the angel and kill it, but I'm the only one capable of that. So I can't be the bait."

Unit-06 exited from the cover behind which Mari dragged it, and like Mari anticipated the flower exploded. In that moment the scene was complete for Mari's attack. But at that moment her EVA finished the energy to move. The timing was just perfect for a her perfect show. While from HQ everyone was worried, because hope seemed lost, she triggered the same process because of which Gendo didn't trust her. The mecha started moving again, in a beast like manner, and sprinted towards the Angel. In a matter of seconds Mari was already nearing the flower, so much so that the angel attacked her with the same grab which immobilized Unit-01. But Mari evaded it, Unit 02 was simply too fast and unpredictable in its movements. Mari arrived to the flower, and saw the core. A good intuition, as Misato actually forgot to tell her about it. In that moment Mari just had to use the knife and destroy it, but that was not what happened. The EVA jumped and bit the core, trying to eat it. Bit after Bit, the core was destroyed. The battle was won, but the one who reclaimed victory didn't have an hero figure, but a much distorted one. A beast which only sought to fight, and beneath it, in a complete ecstasy, lied her pilot for that day. A figure as mysterious as the Evangelions themselves: Mari Makinami.


	10. Bound by Blood

There are some events that are bound to shock people.

Cataclysm, murders, life shaking events, there are multiple things that can traumatize an individual, but lives goes on, and everyone tries to come to accept the bleak side of reality. For Misato, one of such events was to see the Evangelion acting like a possesed monster, back when the fight with the tenth angel happened. That day shattered her life even more that it already was, but by clinging on some of the shattered pieces, she was founding a way to keep going, like she had done before after the Second Impact.

But even after regaining some sanity, Misato had some doubts in her mind. She never was that attached on NERV's belief, as she entered in the association only as a way to cope with her dad's demise; but she never ever thought of betraying NERV either. Even after Kaji's demise, that probably was something NERV orchestrated, Misato didn't make the decisive step to take a stance against Gendo. But the images of that damned day were burned in her mind. She tried to justify the strange, destructive behaviour of EVA-01 as something brought forth by the Angel, and not by the weapon built by humans, suppressing every clue that indicated how the EVA could be something dangerous. She succeeded in stopping her doubts, but then, seeing Mari triggering Berserk-mode again on Unit-02, Misato's fortitude broke. The scene of the beast like mecha, carving away the Angel's core, was not as frightening as the one from the Tenth Angel's fight, but was a representation of something worse than a single traumatizing scene. Seeing the EVA, the last bastion of humanity, behave like mad demons was becoming a routine.

She couldn't trust those weapons anymore.

"Annihilation of the Eleventh Angel confirmed, Blue pattern signal gone"

In the command room the usual mild celebrations for an accomplished mission echoed, while Misato glanced directly towards Ristuko. Given that the Angel was defeated, Gendo retired to his office, together with Fuyustuki, giving to Misato the perfect chance to approach her friend Ritsuko, to ask her for some explanations.

"Ritsuko, what was that? Why can the EVA units become something like it?"

"I actually don't understand it. What Mari is doing on the Unit-02, is unprecedented. She disconnect every control between us and her EVA, and after that it seems like the unit is powered up by some unknown power surge."

"You're vague Ritsuko"

Misato's tone was growing more and more.

"I've known you for too much, I can understand when you hide something. You actually have an idea on what's happening right?"

Ritsuko had grown silence

"Spit it out, I don't care if this then could be wrong. I want to know what you think."

Ritsuko stood there for a bit, thinking to herself about what to do.

"I have an hypotesis, follow me to the lab"

—

The two women stood in the lab, Misato eagerly waiting for an explanation, Ritsuko nervously watching around her to check no-one else followed them.

"So, what's the hypotesis you were talking about?"

Seeing that the room was clear, Ritsuko started answering Misato's question.

"Say Misato, you know what is needed to be a Children, to pilot an EVA?"

"The exact reason was never explained to me, usually there are some calculations based on one's mental wavelenght to decide if that person is capable of becoming a Children. But I know nothing of the exact parameters that are analyzed"

"But you know that Shinji's school is in reality a facility to monitor possible candidates right?"

"Well, yes. But how does this explain what we've seen?"

"See, the Children are not chosen among a bunch of candidates, they are created, and every candidate is a subject of the experiment to construct new pilots. Nothing inhuman, we just adapt the lessons they take, the media the experience and how they live their day to day life to stimulate little changes in how their brain behaves. By doing this we hoped to make some of the teenagers attending Neo-Tokyo school possible Children candidates. And this is also why all the Children we have attend that school, it's a way to keep their brain in the perfect shape to connect to the EVA."

Misato listened to her friend, but something didn't seem right in her explanation.

"Wait, Ritsuko. Shinji never attended those classes before piloting Unit-01, but he actually succeeded. Not only that, he also activated that monster-like mode that Mari used both against the Tenth and Elevent Angel."

Ritsuko pointed at Misato with a pen,showing that she agreed with her reasoning.

"Exactly, but you see…Shinji is kind of peculiar. He didn't need to have his brain meddled with to synchonize with Unit-01, that's because…Unit-01 absorbed Shinji's mom during the testing of the Unit. Her mom became one with the Eva's body, fusing her blood with the one of the biological side of the EVA. So I think Shinji was capable of synchronizing with the EVA not through is mind alone, but also through blood."

Ritsuko reached for a dossier she kept under her desk and handed it over to Misato. The files were old, and they were signed by Naoko Akagi, Ritsuko's mother and lead of the EVA project before the daughter took over, following the mother's demise.

"I always was curious about Shinji's development, so I made some research and found out this recently. It's the dossier describing the Project-E first years."

In that dossier was proof of what Ritsuko just said. A description of what happened during the testing of Unit-01.

Shinji was there

He saw what happened to her mother

Even if the death itself was not described in detail, as no-one actually saw the body after she entered the entry-plug, the dossier gave Misato a unpleasant sensation of gruesomeness. She could only imagine how confused and scared must have been the toddler Shinji, assisting to those events.

"Wait, isn't this the same thing that happened to Shinji?"

"Calm down, there's a key difference. Shinji's wavelenght are still in there, while Yui's disappeared right after the incident. But, getting back on track, I still have to explain my hypotesis on the EVA behaviour; even if you probably understand where I'm going."

"Do you think Mari has some kind of blood connection to Unit-02? It's not possible, Mari is American, while Unit-02 was developed in EURO NERV"

"I don't think Mari has the same kind of connection as Shinji, I think she could have a different connection. What I suspect, is that she has the same blood as the EVA, and because of that she can actually stimulate the biological body of the EVA to surpass the containment armor and unleash its full power."

"Is something like that even possible? Isn't EVA's blood poison for our body?"

"I don't know for sure, there's no record of any experiment involving the EVA's blood… but I don't think it's impossible"

Misato was tired of the conversation, she understood the hypotesis Ritsuko made, but she missed one key factor to understand the reasoning behind the hypotesis itself.

"Ritsuko, exactly, what's an Evangelion."

Ritsuko fell in silence for a bit, then she mustered the faith in her friend needed to involve her in that secret.

"The EVA are artifical Angels. And the Angels' blood is not incompatible with humans'"


	11. Interlude -2- Accept the World

Rei disappeared from the train

The sound of the trails of cold steel was the only thing that boy could hear.

His senses were dull, he felt really awake only when talking to that girl. But now that short intermission was over, and he remained alone in that train. Before the girl's appearance Shinji couldn't really feel the time passing by, he was in a mild, comforting slumber. Now that he was alone again, he waited for that feeling to overcome his body again. But that was not the case.

He closed his eyes, trying to invoke his own slumber, but a voice echoed through the silence.

"Hello Shinji"

Shinji didn't recognize that voice. It was not Rei's, nor Asuka's, neither Misato's. It was a male voice, but it was so soft and soothing. The boy looked around, and saw who was talking to him. The voice was from behind the glass door, which separated Shinji's wagon from the others. The figure that seemed distant and hold his ticket was now right in front of the door, and Shinji could see his face. The grey hair and red eyes were kind of intimidating, as if that boy on the other side was some kind of divine figure, after all his white skin seemed like it was glowing too.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the one who has to bring you happiness. Such is my vow to you"

"I never recalled asking for that, nor knowing you…wait, you are that voice. The one from the other day, while I was fighting the Angel"

"That's right Shinji. I descended upon you, I wanted to save you, to bring you happiness, but something didn't work out as I thought. It seems like you couldn't accept it"

The boy with the grey hair showed Shinji the ticket, it was different from the one the boy gave to Rei short before. It was much more elegant, and had a clear destination written on it. "To the promised land". It seems like Shinji knew already the destination of the train and that the boy had his ticket. But no one told him beforehand, he just knew.

"And even now, you can't accept it. It's funny that's a ticket here, I suppose you had to travel a lot by train. But I don't understand…do you know where this promised land is Shinji?"

"No"

"Do you know why you have to go there?"

"No"

"Do you know why you want to be there?"

"To be happy, I suppose"

"And what will you find there, what will make you happy"

"I…don't know. Maybe I'll find my mom, maybe if my mom is there dad won't have to be so cold to me. Maybe if I had a family, I could be better. Maybe if I had a family…I could be less of a burden for those around me"

"Shinji. I don't know what awaits you at the final stop of this train. But if happiness is what you seek, we can work on that. Together. There's no need to live in the past, we can make the present the best place to live"

"But the present does not have mom. In the present I'm hated by my dad, I'm a burden to Rei and Asuka, I'm messed up. I cannot continue living there."

The train was not stopping, instead it was ramping up in speed, with every word out of Shinji's mouth the train accelerated. After a while it started trembling, it seemed like it was on the verge of derailing.

"So, it seems like you cannot accept reality yet."

The boy stepped back from the glass door and gave his back to Shinji's.

"It seems like your happiness cannot be obtained while this current reality persist. Either you accept it, or reality itself changes. Until then, you won't be able to accept the ticket."

The boy started walking back to his place

"Wait, where are you going? At least try to gave that to me, don't ignore me."

The boy said one last phrase before returning to be an undefined black shape, but Shinji could not hear was left there, screaming to the door, trying to get the boy's attention. But it didn't work. After a bit he was not screaming anymore, the feeling he longed for, the warm slumber, enveloped his body.

—

Inside Unit-06 cockpit, Kaworu regained consciousness. The EVA systems were on survival mode, it seems like he slept for past the 3 minutes he had to move the EVA without the cable plugged in. The radio communications were active though, and he listened to the HQ proclaiming the Eleventh Angel's death.

Another one bites the dust. Another step towards the Instrumentality project. Kaworu knew about that project, knew about the aims of both Gendo and SEELEE, even if they didn't share the same objectives. He was deciding on what to do about that, now that he was not one of the Thirteen. He could work against the project, work towards it or just accepting once again to become the Thirteenth angel. This time he had no-one to stop him.

But his vow was dedicated to Shinji's happiness. And his action had to work towards his own objective. He first thought on forcing Shinji to accept reality, and then save that reality with him. But now, he understood that the boy could not accept the world they were living in. So if the world cannot shape the world, than the world will be shaped after the boy's desire.


	12. Escapism

The same scene, the same dark room, the same stoic figure.

At the center of his office, Gendo stood firm, listening to the SEELEE's executives talking.

"So the eleventh is finally dead, only two more and the Dead Sea Scrolls prophecy will be completed."

Every time, those voices talked about the same things every time.

"I think it's time you begin the final preparations for the Instrumentality Project Gendo. The time is nigh, and after the Thirteenth demise, we expect results."

Minds that cheated themselves, thinking they were superior to mankind itself, because they knew about the project to evolve the species, while the world suffered in silence, under the weight of their choices.

One after another the lights turned off, leaving Gendo alone in the room. This time SEELEE had nothing to complain about the Angel's attack. They were not worried about the 01's awakening anymore. Not only that, now that the project was nearing it's completion, they weren't even worried about the last Angels. They just worried about the final result. The fleeting dream of becoming as gods was blinding their eyes. Gendo knew how to gain from that. And as the puppeteer behind the scenes for the whole show, he knew how ironic was the reality of the Instrumentality Project. The ones who would sacrifice everything to feel superior, will become part of the same being, not superior nor inferior to others. Without fields to separate people, without barriers called consciousness, Gendo wondered if they knew what would they become.

But without a word, the greatest enemy of reality, the greatest victim of reality, stood there, waiting for the time to come.

—

The same scene, the same blue ceiling, the same frail girl

Waking up on the hospital bed was now becoming a routine for Rei.

Beside her bed she could see two figures, two young girls, arguing.

"I specifically told you to not destroy my EVA! Are you doing this on purpose?"

"Sorry Princess, but the fight demanded it"

It seemed like Asuka was not nearing full recovery, as she was up yelling at Mari.

"You can see the situation like this. If I didn't break your EVA, little doll there would be dead!"

Mari pointed to Rei, noticing she was awake and using her as a scapegoat for Asuka's fury.

"Rei! Are you well?"

Rei wasn't expecting that reaction from Asuka. She usually was one that would make you go through lot of troubles before admitting that she was worried for you. But in that moment Rei saw in Asuka a sincere smile, so sincere that Asuka actually went red after a bit, as she understood what kind of expression she had.

"I think I can let it go for this time…again. But a true pilot should be able to win without having to compromise."

In an attempt to regain some kind of seriousness Asuka shifted her attention again to Mari, that just shrugged away the girls complaint and hugged Rei, hurting her a bit even.

"So you're well little doll. I'm happy you didn't get destroyed by that ray or something like that."

Mari was hugging and shaking Rei, so much that Asuka didn't know how to react. After another 5 minutes of Asuka yelling at Mari, the american girl ran away, leaving Rei and Asuka alone.

"I swear, that girl is just so stupid. If I had to choose which stupid to keep, I would definitively choose Shinji."

In all that time Rei didn't say anything, something was bothering her. Asuka was growing more and more annoyed by the girl silence, but when she had enough and was starting to give up talking to her, something happened. Asuka watched Rei and saw something that was amiss sometime before. She saw a troubled expression, one of a girl that was caged in her thoughts, one of a human that didn't know what to do. For some time, Asuka was annoyed in seeing Rei being neutral to everything, so much that she actually helped her when she tried to do something on her own, cooking for Shinji and Gendo. And now, that faint light of human-like feelings she saw in Rei at the time was brimming. But it was not a positive light. Being human is not easy, and Rei was not facing the downside of developing feelings.

Asuka saw that same expression in the previous days, every day since her awakening in the hospital. That expression was the same Misato has every time she walks through the door. The expression of one who lost everything. And in seeing that, Asuka tried to do something different. She didn't yell about how they were supposed to go on, she tried to create hope in Rei's heart. Just like she was the spark of light for Misato the day she woke up, just like she embraced the painful Rei that same day, she now wanted to help her. To continue being that light

"You're worried for that stupid right? Have you felt him while riding the EVA? Misato told me he's supposed to be trapped on there somewhere."

Rei watched Asuka, she was indirectly and unconsciously begging for someone to ask her about that.

"Yes, I…No, maybe felt him is not correct. I actually met him."

"What? You mean his inside the cockpit?"

"No, it was…on a train. After the Angel's rose exploded, I found myself on a train. And beside me, was Shinji. He was to one to give me the ticket to leave that place, but he was left there as a result. He cannot escape"

"I'm…not following you. But if you said you felt him, then it's ok."

Asuka smiled toward Rei, with a beatiful, sincere smile

"He'll be safe. I'm certain of it"

She didn't really believe it. She had no idea on what to think of the situation. She just wanted to abide to the roel she was choosing to herself. She was the spark of light for Rei and Misato, she chose to continue in being it. Aside from the EVA, she chose this other role, to help giving her life meaning.

To find a meaning in supporting other outside the EVA, to make this meaning strong by protecting the world inside the EVA.

A noble feeling, something more akin to her age. More akin to what the others want to be when fourteen. A hero.

But in that world there were no heroes

Just people who entitled themselves to feel like one.

There's something noble on being the hero, on helping other.

But can that be said on those who only act like this to run away from their reality?

For Asuka, being the light to Rei and Misato, was a way to cope with reality.

To run away from it.

Like the ones who ought to feel superior to the weak

In the end, the ones with the power to change the world, were to ones that couldn't cope with it

The ones that embraced escapism.


	13. Obsession

Almost two weeks passed since Asuka first awakening at the hospital.

Finally the girl was about to be released. She was the last one to leave the hospital. Even after the Eleventh fight, both Kaworu and Rei left before her. She didn't really ever see Kaworu in her room, so she couldn't know of his condition, but seeing Rei's shocked status after the fight worried her a bit. The doctors dismissed Rei after 3 days, but she was there for two weeks, on top of the near month passed in comatose status.

"I wonder how serious was the damage I had"

Asuka actually remembered that day. She boarded the EVA without really worrying about a failure in the test, but once she was sit in the cockpit, she saw a blue web enveloping the exterior of the cockpit. After that the EVA didn't obey her command, and for a bit she just trying desperately to regain control. Even if she didn't have control, the life sustaining functionalities of the cockpit were active, so she was awake and well for all the fight between Shinji and the Ninth Angel. But she couldn't follow the battle, the cockpit was just a cage in which she was waiting for someone to save her.

That sentiment alone was enough to piss her off. The great pilot Asuka, waiting for rescue. Her life was dedicated to piloting the EVA, the mecha being something of an extension of her will in her mind. So not being able to move one, but even being imprisoned in one, felt like she was handicapped. Like if her body didn't respond to her brain. So she was powerless and frustrated, but the constant movement of the Angel kept her for thinking too much about the situation. Then the last thing she remembers is the cockpit being damaged, and its debris caging her even more. Only in the aftermath of the encounter, she actually saw her right leg and arm completely crushed under the Cockpit remains. The pain slowly came to her, and she soon passed out.

But then, some time later, she found herself in the hospital; her leg and arm being ok. The doctor told her they gave her a special new drug, that stimulated the blood flux to have her injuries repaired. That was a lie, Asuka knew that. That effect was not enough to repair her crushed limbs. But at the end of the day, she was ok with it. As long as she could still board the EVA she was happy.

Asuka got up from the bed, finally able to wear her casual clothes, and head right to the door. The doctors handed her some medicines, and then she was free. She walked out of NERV HQ, heading towards Misato's home. Her journey was lonely. She was kinda expecting Misato to reach out for her, after all she seemed really desperate for her to get back in good shape. But no one showed up, not Misato, nor Rei. On the train headed home Asuka's brain had a emotional meltdown.

"Those people care not for you."

"It was just pity"

"Look at the poor Asuka, not being able to move at all"

Voices from her past rose in her head, repeating those phrases again and again, while the girl tried her hardest to not show her worries. After all, having a self induced breakdown on a train, just after leaving the hospital, was not something she could afford

"Such a broken doll"

Asuka's mother voice sounded clearly in the girl's mind. It was always like that, the final voice that always tormented her was her mothers'. Fortunately the train arrived to the right station, and Asuka hopped off the train. It was not for much, but moving around was a way to get the voices to stop. She arrived right at the door of Misato's house, but she stopped, not sure about entering. The doctors told her to head straight home, but if she stopped, the voiced would resume.

She waited on the door, until she heard a voice on the inside. It was Misato's. Apparently she was talking to someone, and by trying to whisper she was instead being louder that usual. Asuka wondered who could be in the house, given Shinji's disappearence, and entered.

What she found was staggering. The house was almost clean, and in the living room Misato, Rei and Hikari were sit around a table with a home baked cake. It was not one of the best cake Asuka ever saw, it seemed a little burned, and it didn't really levitate well, but it was covered in cream and in red candies there was written "Welcome back Asuka".

With a little delay, after Asuka's arrival, the three girl shouted themselves

"Welcome back Asuka"

It was strange, Hikari and Misato shouted energetically, Misato even being almost obnoxious, while Rei was a not loud, but her face showed embarassment. In that little place, Asuka found something that she thought was not deserved her. Her worries were gone, she was still their light. There was still meaning in her survival, aside from the ability to pilot EVA.

And thanks to that, something began to change in the girl

A place in the world could be created for her

A crack appeared in her personal barrier.

—

That evening, after Hikari and Rei's departure, Asuka returned to her room.

She got to her bed and closed her eyes.

The voices were still there, but she could ignore them. Being important to Misato, to Rei, fueled her mental strenght.

So she wanted to help them more, to use that fuel.

Asuka got up and went to the living room, where Misato, after an afternoon in which she forced herself to not drink alcool, was starting to get wasted on economic beer. She could feel sadness in Misato, and she was afraid of asking the reason. She already knew of Shinji, but that could not be it.

"Misato, where's Kaji?"

Asuka asked directly, without giving any room to Misato for changing topic

"You sure you want to talk about this? I wanted to give you a happy first day after your coma. You should grasp this moment of bliss, you never know how much will they last"

Misato was not even trying to hide her pain

She was telling Asuka to not talk about it, but her words hid the need to tell it to someone.

"Is he dead?"

Those words where enough to make Misato talk about Kaji.

"Yes…I think so at least. No one saw him since the fight with the Tenth Angel and that…incident. The one in which Shinji disappeared inside Unit-01."

"He's a specialized agent, maybe he just vanished for some other reason."

"No, after I returned home from job that day, I found a message in the telephone. He told me he would die. He would have not lied like that."

Asuka almost loved Kaji. She knew that the love was only due to her need to feel more adult, transposed in her will to show off in front of someone mature like Kaji. But she still had a good relationship with him, aside from her delusions. So his death hit home also in Asuka, which was on the verge of crying. But she didn't cry, because someone else was already doing so, in such quantity to express sadness for them both. Misato really lost something that could not be replaced.

Asuka just got near Misato, and hugged her. While the well more mature woman kept crying. This went on for some time, until Misato regained her posture.

"I'm sorry you had to see me in that state"

"Don't worry, you're supposed to be like that"

Replied Asuka, getting up and proudly taking her hand to her chest.

"It's okay to suffer from the past, but we should also save our present. And the next step should be recovering that idiot"

Asuka smiled to Misato, trying to make her think about something different to loss.

But the one who gained the most of this was not Misato.

Asuka felt accomplished.

Even if she was sad behind her mask, she was proud of such mask.

After all her life, she was finally feeling like there was worth in helping people.

A personal gain for altruism.

On the surface there could not be a better deal

But like always, reality is not that simple.

And Asuka's escapism was not a easy one to sustain

After all, she was just developing a different obsession.


	14. Interlude -3- Forward Relentlessly

Forward Relentlessly

Two words, a way of life

If a riddle is there, then solve it

If an obstacole is blocking you, then surpass it

If an enemy is fighting you, then kill it.

Never stop, not for pain, not for fear, but keep on going ahead, against all the odds

Forward Relentlessly

With this mindset humanity prospered in the world

No matter the danger, no matter the tragedy, no matter the self-induced damage

Humanity would keep on going

Forward Relentlessly

But there was that day, when humanity encountered its limit

That day the sky was red, and a yellow humanoid figure could be seen in the middle of a thick, red fog

If that figure were to grow even larger, all of humanity would have known what those scientist did, but it didn't happen

Only Misato could remember, that shape, that terror

It was the Second Impact

The event that changed the behaviour of the planet, making the sea red

The constant view of the red ocean should be enough to tell humanity to don't play with fire. To abandon their Instrumentality Project. But humanity's greatest strenght, is also its biggest weakness. To push ahead, in spite of the danger, is the answer humanity always had.

Thus, even if the ominous signs were there, humanity ignored the dangers

Humanity foolishly thought it could surpass the Angels

Humanity foolishly wanted to abandon humanity

Thus the Instrumentality Project begun

Forward Relentlessly


	15. Lilith

Three months passed from Asuka's rehabilitation.

School finished, with Asuka and Rei passing both their test. After being confirmed in Japan by her leaders, Mari was forced to join the school in Neo-Tokyo, and was put in the Childrens classroom. She would've started lessons after the break

Three months passed, and no Angel attacked

"Do you think they're over?"

While wearing her red plug suit Asuka asked Mari

"I hope not, I didn't have the occasion of appreciating the taste of the fight yet"

"You destroyed my EVA two times for your so called taste of the fight"

"Yeah, and it was good, but not enough"

Asuka always tried to reason with Mari, but she soon understood that was not possible.

The two girls exited the locker room and went to the compatibility test room. While exiting Asuka saw Rei, entering the locker room herself. She was late. Some months before a late arrival of the perfect doll Rei would've been something to sign on the calendar, but that was note the case anymore.

Three months passed, and Shinji was nowhere to be found.

Rei grew more gloom day after day. At first she could cling on to Asuka, but lately she had found less and less effect on using Asuka as a ray of hope. She still felt better when she was with Asuka, but when she was alone, in that col bedroom, she felt paralyzed. It was not that she felt nothing like in the beginning, on the contrary, she was feeling grief. She wanted to supress that grief

"He's not dead, he's just on that train"

The girl repeated this to herself again and again

"He's not dead, he's just waiting to be separated from the EVA"

But those sentences were void. Not because there was no truth in those thoughts, but because the results in Rei's hearts coudln't be changed. Even when she convinced herself Shinji was alive, she couldn't help but feel sad, because she could not see him. She could not confirm it. She could not use him to suppress the grief caused by his absence.

Rei started changing herself, putting on her blue plugsuit

"Hey, cheer up, you won't be able to pilot the 01 if you go in the testing room while being that depressed"

"The Angels are no more after all, is there a meaning in me going in the EVA?"

"Isn't Shinji in there? You always say you felt him"

"I…don't know anymore. Maybe I was just deceiving myself"

"I don't think you're capable of deceiving yourself, or maybe that you were at the time"

"…"

"Well, listen. We have a way to be sure of this. Come with me, perform well in the compatibility test and you'll board the 01 as soon as it will be needed. Then you can recognize if Shinji's in there or not"

Asuka took Rei's hand and dragged her to the compatibility room

Even if Asuka was a little rough in the dragging, Rei felt relieved for a moment, in seeing the young German girl caring about her. The two arrived in front of the testing pods and started their tests.

"The synchronization is still rising for each of the girls."

An assistant communicated the news to Ritsuko, which was monitoring that testing

"Good"

Ritsuko felt relieved, it was a slow burn, but now finally Asuka seemed to be ready to board Unit 02 again. They finally could get rid of Mari, keeping her on stand-by. The test finished, and the three girls went back to their changing room.

"Aaaaah, that's bad"

Screamed Mari

"What's your deal you beast"

"Your synchronization parameters are good now. They will have you board the Unit 02 instead of me now…and the Angels hardly showed up in the time I could board the EVA"

"Maybe if you didn't always go berserk with my Unit, the higher ups would trust you better"

In that moment the alarm rang. An Angel was sighted.

" You see? Just my luck"

The three girls, which just changed to normal clothes, had to wear again their plug suits and hurried to the hangar.

"Mari, Rei, board the Unit s 01 and 02"

Misato ordered the girls to get ready, but she was corrected shortly after by Ritsuko, that herself just arrived in the control room.

"Order Asuka to board the 02, she's ready"

"She suffered serious injuries just a month ago! It's crazy to send her"

"Gendo ordered so"

"Why are the higher ups so clingy on never use Mari?"

"You saw what she can do with the EVA, the damages will be too great"

Misato knew that sending Mari was not the best idea, but she still wanted her to go instead of Asuka

"I thought that, when Gendo was not here, I was in charge"

"And you are, but this order was left behind by Gendo himself, Mari cannot board the EVA. If Asuka wasn't ready, we would have to send Rei alone until emergence struck"

"Shit, you know what you're saying Ritsuko? An Angel is approaching, they are always bringing an emergence with them"

Even if she said she was against that decision, Misato corrected her order

"Asuka, you board 02, Mari stay here on stand-by. If needed you will board Unit-06 and join the other girls"

Asuka and Rei boarded the Unit, and were then lift off, ready to handle an encounter with a new angel. While Mari remained in the hangar and sighed

"Well, at least given that the boy is being called to SEELEE for a meeting, I can be the emergency backup for them. I hope they fuck up in some way"

—

At that time Gendo and Fuyutsuki were talking, while on an elevator

"To cheat your enemies you first have to cheat your allies. I see you take that seriously. But are you sure that it will work out? The risk is great you know?"

Fuyutsuki questioned Gendo's action, a usual pattern of conversation between the two at that point

"We will gain some time, on both the external and internal enemies."

"Still, isn't it a bit risky to use the lance as a bait? I understand we still have Longinus down there, but Cassius could be important too"

"The girl can recall is once she's fused with Adam, and we only need to have everyone focused on the won't expect us to make our move during the fight which what is not even the final Angel. And when they will understand what's happening it will be too late."

As the elevator went down, darkness shrouded the two man. But they were not the only ones on the elevator. Their plan needed a key. A girl that looked just like Rei accompanied them. It was not Rei, but in the grand scheme of Gendo's plan, she was now what she wanted Rei to become. The elevator arrived at destination.


	16. Scorpion Fire

Unit 01 was deployed in the center of the Neo-Tokyo, while 02 was on stand-by in the deployment tunnel.

"Why am I stuck in the tunnel?"

"You're not stuck Asuka, you're in stand-by beside the exit. We don't really know where the Angel is, so we want to deploy you one at the time. If the Angel is like the last one you would be defeated together without even really knowing it"

Misato tried to approach the mission with a calm attitude. She was usually one to risk everything on one big move, but the last attacks from the Angels showed that they are adapting to NERV way of dealing with them.

"Rei, do you see anything?"

Rei observed her whereabouts, but in the city there was nothing to be seen.

"It's clear over here"

Misato ordered the other in the command room to start a research with some drones. A stronger reaction to the blue Wavelenght was found on the mountain where the last Angel was fought. Behind that mountain there was a really big valley. So Misato thought that maybe the angel was there.

"Rei, proceed with caution towards the valley in the outskirts, south where you are. Use every cable you can to have maximum charge and go check that out"

"Got it, commencing movement toward the valley"

3 minutes passed, Rei arrived near the mountain.

"This is gonna take a lifetime. Can you please at least free me from here? We've seen the Angel is not capable of attacking in the city yet, and it's better to have someone defending the city"

"No, we cannot be sure yet. Beside having you in stand-by there means your EVA will have maximum charge if needed"

"What a drag, if I knew my great comeback would be like this I would have swapped place with the monster girl"

In that moment a violent quake shook the NERV HQ.

"What's happening? Is this the Angel's doing?"

Shouted Misato asking for information to her crew

"Blue wavelenght detected, it's from beneath us"

"Beneath us? How is that possible"

While the crew was trying to understand what was happening, another communication was opened.

"Misato do you hear me?"

"Mari, what's the situation in the Hanger?"

"Unit 06 started moving on its own, it broke the wall on its right and its now descending on the lower levels"

"What? Did you see anyone boarding it?"

"No, not at all. Major I request the permission to remove the lockdown on my Unit-08"

"No, that unit has not been tested yet"

Misato tried to recollect her thoughts to decide what to do next

"Ok, can we redirect Asuka Unit 02 toward one of the lower levels? We still don't know for sure where the Angel is, but we should assume it has Unit-06 under its control. Redirect Unit-02 toward Unit 06"

"What if its a bait? It won't be the only one, even the one on the valley should be a bait"

Maya asked Misato, trying to discern the best course of action

"We have to contact Rei, it's not certain that the Angel in the valley is a bait, but she has to know that another one is attacking here."

Communication with Rei were opened, while Maya helped Misato and told Asuka that she would have redirected to the lower levels of the Geofront, tasked with taking into custody unit 06 and fighting the Angel that took control of the EVA.

"Rei, there's a possible attack here at HQ too. Asuka is being tasked of taking care of it. Its possible that the Angel you're going to see its some kind of bait. Discern the nature of the enemy and fall back here if possible."

On the other side, Rei was not listening to Misato words. Through the microphone pnly a heavy breath could be heard

"Rei! Rei are you okay?"

"What…What's that thing?"

"Rei…Rei respond, what are you seeing?"

"It's…It's an EVA, a white EVA."

—

The elevator arrived at destination.

Gendo took the young girl, Lilith's hand and walked out of it.

A Red Light illuminated a red corridor, conducing toward a white body, kept locked by a red lance.

That was Gendo's destination. The first progenitor, the first Angel, Adam.

But before arriving in Adam's room, there was another big room, in which the red corridor started. The light passed through the immense, opened door, creating the red corridor, but in what should have been an empty passage, someone, something stood.

A boy, with his hands in his pockets, was twenty or so meters from the door, and was watching toward Adam.

The elevator made quite a noise, arriving to that place, but didn't react to him. So Gendo, seeing his large shadow, took the first move. He took the gun out from the sheath he has on his waist, and shoot the boy. With an accuracy typical of someone who is not new to killing people, Gendo shoot right in the boy head…but the bullet didn't pierce his head. He stood there unscathed. While the bullet stopped one inch from his head.

Then, and only then, the boy turned around.

"Hello, chief of the Lilins"

"Seems like SEELEE was a step ahead of me, sending his boy here. I was fooled believing you were gone to their headquarters"

Kaworu looked at Gendo with calm eyes

"No, Lilin, you actually outwitted them. They have to idea you want to start the Impact now. I'm not here as their pawn, you see, I've got a personal gain in all of this."

Kawory turned around and pointed at Adam

"So, it seems like you want to unite the little doll with Adam. So that's your plan. Very smart Lilin, I didn't anticipate this."

Kaworu paused again, he seemed amused by the situation

"You see…I could just go there and touch Adam myself. I would trigger the Third Impact myself, but that way you would have no way to control the outcome of the impact. In the end we are just trying to do the same thing, just that the outcome are different."

"So, you're an Angel?"

"Yeah, I'm the last Angel. I've awakened now that you triggered yourself the birth of the twelfth."

Another pause echoed in that empty silent room.

"You see Lilin. I don't think that the Third Impact I'll cause would be the one who will make his wish come true. But on the other end, I don't think you having control over the Third Impact will do either. But you have that doll, Lilith on your side, so I don't think I have that much of a chance if you just let her awaken. So we can do it like this"

In that moment, the building shook. From the upper levels, something fell.

Gendo embraced Lilith, trying to cover her from the impact.

The impact came, but it didn't hurt anyone. It seems like Lilith protected Gendo and Fuyutsuki, and with an expressionless facel, she glanced towards Kaworu. Behind the boy, Unit 06 just landed with on its kneel and with its fist on the ground.

"The pieces are aligned"

—

Shinji woke up, he was still on the train as usual.

But he woke up again, so it meant someone was on that train as well.

He watched toward the closed door, separating him and the guy on the other side.

The black filter on the door was much lighter now. Shinji could in fact make out the silhouette of the guy on the other side

It was a boy with silver hair and red eyes

Before Shinji even had the time to say something, the boy spoke in its stead

"We're almost there Shinji. There's just one more crossroad. And then your wish will be granted."

"Am I getting out of here?"

"Yes, you are"

"Where to? The ticket says promised land"

"I'm looking forward to see it Shinji-kun. You'll lead us to the promised place… or to the scorpion fire"


	17. Vows of Virtue

Rei's Unit 01 was in a position in which she could see the White machine, but she couldn't really be sure of what she was seeing.

What was supposed to be an Angel was instead resembling an EVA.

Only 4 minutes worth of battery were powering Unit 01, so Rei was not really in a situation in which she could take everything slow. She embraced the Machine Gun she brought to the field and fired some shots at the leg of the EVA. In that moment, the white machine lift her head, showing what resembled two red eyes, which blinked, as if the machine was just being powered up.

Without a word, the White EVA assaulted Rei,the giant white body jumped on EVA 01 letting the girl drop her weapon. Rei reacted fast and threw the enemy away. Then she reached for the machine gun, and a with a cold but anxious expression she gave Unit 02 the order to fire everything. The machine gun had 2 types of ammunition, explosive granades from the upper fire, and giant steel bullet from the lower one. The grenades were meant to blow up the weakness points of the enemies, while the peculiar form of the bullets were optimized to damage the AT Fields of the Angels. The explosion of the grenades stirred up a great amound of powder, covering Rei's visual on the enemy, but the girl kept firing, eventually emptying up the ammunition.

"Is the signal still there?"

Rei tried to ask for feedback from the HQ, but received no response

She could hear Misato talking, but it seemed like the signal was disturbed, and Misato's voice was too low and fragmented to understand. The answer to her doubts arrived after some seconds, not from the HQ, but from the enemy itself. The landscape was devastated by Unit 01's weapon, but the enemy stood there without any damage. The EVA arm pointed to Unit-01 and the hand was wide opened, ahead of it, there was a AT field active.

"Using an AT field like that? So it really was an Angel after all"

Rei acted quickly, unleashing the knife and assaulting the enemy. She jumped toward the white EVA but then something happened to Unit 01, and the machine shut itself down. The energy was over.

"Damn, I forgot the battery lenght..aaah"

The cockpit went dark, as Unit-01 entered emergency mode, but this didn't prevent Rei from feeling the pain of the White EVA attack. She couldn't see outside anymore, nor she could hear what was happening, but a feeling of intense pain reached her arm. The veins in the arm were bursting, as she screamed painfully. Then another she felt another movement, the one of her own EVA felling on the ground.

Powerless, the girl tried to stop screaming from the intense pain and started trying to get the EVA up,but without the energy, nothing could be done. The LCL started feeling more and more of blood, the cockpit felt darker and darker, and hence, Rei lost grasping of reality.

—

A strange ceiling met Rei's eyes

It was not a ceiling she was used to see, but she already saw it once

She was not in the hospital bed, nor she was in any kind of bed, even if something was under her head softening the cold floor in which she found herself in.

The ceiling was then covered by a familiar face.

A sad face, but one that Rei was happy to see. The girl got up fast, bumping her head onto the boy's head

"Argh"

Both the Children let out a quiet scream, for the light pain of the two heads bumping each other

"Good Morning Ayanami."

The boy was the first to talk, as Rei was still slighty confused.

"Shinji?"

Rei embraced the boy, which was surprised by that reaction

"Yes, it's me. It's everything alright Ayanami?"

"I fainted inside the Unit 01. Does this mean this is what's inside the Unit?"

"Wait…Wait, slow down. You already were here some time ago don't you remember?"

"Well…"

She remembered the last time. She found herself on that train, together with Shinji after the last Angel attack. And now she was there again.

"Is it time for you to get out?"

"I don't really know. But it seems like we're reaching someplace"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the guy on the other side told me we're reaching a destination. Though I didn't really understand his words"

Rei got up and went toward the boy on the other side of the train

"Ayanami, wait.."

Rei ignored Shinji, she wanted answers. If she didn't want to leave like last wanted to take out Shinji with her.

She arrived to the barried, and watched on the other side, the figure was not clear. The boy on the other side was someone she knew.

"Kaworu?"

"Hi, here again First?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see this train destination. Well, unlike you it's not like I'm stuck here or anything. I'm on the other side as well, working on getting this train to its destination."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm here to make Shinji's dream come true."

In that moment Shinji entered the discussion

"Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"Only you know. I'm not the one that will chose what your wish will be, I will just trigger the way the wish will be granted."

"Cut that bullshit, explain yourself"

The boy watched Shinji, wearing a sad smile

"You see Shinji, I met you before. And that time, like now, there was something that was bothering you. Something that didn't make you live happily. I lived as a human for years to understand what that was. And in the end, I understood. It was the hedgehog enigma. That mandatory, yet difficult challenge you all have to overcome. Getting near someone means to be prepared to being hurt, or to even hurt if you don't make yourself vulnerable. Words to hurt like the hedgehog spikes, feeling to be hurt, like the one who's hit by the hedgehog spikes, and the hedgehog itself. I searched for a solution for this, for you to overcome everything. But it's impossible. Humans will keep being afraid of being hurt, and that feeling will continue to hurt whoever tries to get near another human being. The dilemma won't be solved. There's no solution, there's no overcoming. It's not much a dilemma, as much as a curse. And because of that, I will revolutionize the world: leaving to you the final choice. Will you keep the world as is, to live in a known environment at the cost of human isolation, or will you revolutionize the world, getting into the unknown to overcome the AT field surrounding people?"

"What? What are you saying? Where is this train headed, stop being mysterious about this and just tell me"

In that moment everything went back, only to be lighten up by hundreds of glowing SEELEE symbols on the glass of the train. In that atmosphere the boy replied to Shinji, clearing the doubts

"We're going to a crossroad, in which you can decide where to go as I said to you before. If you want to know what that crossroad is…well, I think you can say it's the Third Impact"

"What? The Third Impact? The one we're trying to prevent?"

"It won't be the Angel Third Impact you were told about, it will be a full blown revolution. And you will be in charge of it"

"Don't give me that crap"

Shinji shouted and threw a punch to the barrier

"Don't involve Ayanami in that shit. Third Impact? Revolution? I'm not worthy such effort."

After saying that the boy went to the exit on the right, and started trying to force it open.

"Shinji, what are you"

Both Kaworu and Rei were surprised by the boy's action

"I don't care about revolutionizing the world. What I wanted then, and what I want now, it's just someone to care about, and that can care about me. In this moment, in this very moment, I just want Ayanami to be that one. I wanted to save her then, and I want to save her now"

Little by little, the door started cracking open.

"So. That's how it is"

Said Kaworu, watching the boy struggling to open the door with all his strenght

"Maybe then, you can find the answer to the dilemma"

Shinji used all his strenght, and the door finally opened

"Ayanami, please exit while I keep this open. I want you to be safe, I want you to get out. I want you to…"

Shinji couldn't finish his sentence, not because he didn't know how to express his feelings, but because something unexpected happened. Rei pushed the boy out of the train. The boy fell out, and the door shut just being him, trapping Ayanami in there.

"Ayanamiiii"

Shinji, started passing out, with a last sentence from Kaworu ringing in head

"Go to the destination, you'll find me and her there"

In the Train, Rei and Kaworu watched Shinji's body disappear

"Will he return to the Unit-01?"

"Yeah, but are you sure of this choice? He won't be happy without you"

"He will, no one needs a doll like me"

"You're no doll, Rei. Even if you're a clone, you have something does not have. And I'm sure he saw that too, your sacrifice, your feelings, your voe of virtue"


	18. Deeds of Cruelty

Shinji opened his eyes, only to found himself in another kind of dark

It was not the same darkness he stared on when Rei pushed him out of the train.

This time the smell was different, a stench of blood was surrounding him. He searched with his hands for walls, and he found them right away. He was in a small room, full of LCL, like the last time he was outside that train.

"So I came back to Unit-01 huh"

The boy pressed his hands on is own face, grieving.

"I couldn't even save her, even when it seemed like I achieved something, it turned out it was just another failure"

The cockpit started shaking violently, something was hitting the EVA from the outside. Shinji tried assuming control, but the EVA didn't have the energy to even use the emergency lights inside the cockpit; it was strange even that Shinji could survive inside the LCL in that situation.

"Shit…not only I couldn't save her. But now her sacrifice will go to waste too"

Shinji had already given up. The feeling of pride he felt, while opening the doors to save Rei, was now an embarrassing thought. He not only grieved his powerlessness, he was shamed thinking that he could be something more than his own coward pitiful self. Even after sacrificing his life. Even after overcoming the fear of boarding the EVA multiple times, even after returning as a last hope only to save Rei, he didn't progress a step further from his old self.

The cockpit just kept shaking and shaking.

"Maybe is better like this"

The boy thought

"Maybe is better if I was just gone. Someone else can take my place, someone else who will be able to save everyone. Someone who's worthy of weight of the world, who's not always complaining about the burden"

The cockpit shook more violently, whoever was attacking him, was tried to pull the plugsuit away from the EVA, crushing part of it in the process.

"Ironic, just like what happened with Asuka. This is just a sign that I really deserve this"

Shinji felt cold inside and totally gave up, he closed his eyes, waiting for the moment in which he would feel death touch on him. Hoping that for once, the touch could be a warm embrace. And something embraced him. And it was warm. But it was not death. It was a nostalgic heat, like a mother embrace. Shinji opened his eyes, and for a second, he glimpsed his own mother. But after blinking, his mother was not there anymore. Instead she could hear a voice, it was Rei's.

"Please accept it Ikari"

"Rei? Rei where are you? Please Rei reply to me"

"It will be useless if you die"

"What would be useless? Nothing will be lost with my departure. The world could even be better off without me"

"I…will be. My feelings would be. Misato's pain would be. Asuka's burden would be"

Sometimes, to understand how stupid the voices in your head are, while telling that you are worthless, you just have to say it out loud. Sometimes is not that our life has no worth, but it's that we cannot see the worth in it. It's like being colorblind, but seeing only the colors that makes us feel bad. The feeling that was dwelling inside Shinji after Rei's words was this. Reprisal, reprisal against his own self which couldn't see that behind the walls the other people put in between themselves and him, there was some affection. Reprisal against his own self that needed to have that affection shown to understand.

"So…please, try to live"

Shinji opened his eyes again, there was still darkness in the cockpit, but the LCL started heating up, and with an explosion of colors, the UI of the EVA turned back online, in red color. Shinji's eyes turned red too, and the Unit 01, which was on the ground, getting kicked by his enemy, got back up and roared. As the roar pierced the skies, his detached arm grew back, with reddish flesh and the junctures around the EVA opened and started to glow. The sky was that of a sunset, and the image of the 01 rising, resembled a monster.

Shinji couldn't really see what was happening outside his EVA, but the machine was back online and he could feel its movements. It was a strange feeling, because it didn't felt like it was him that moved the machine, but the machine responded to his desires, and he could feel every juncture of the EVA moving, every moving part was connected to his muscles, every sensor connected to his nerves.

Shinji itself was not in a clear mind status. Adrenaline kicked in strong and he was only focused on winning against the enemy to which he didn't even know the identity. And in that situation, the fight couldn't last long. The enemy tried attacking Unit 01, but with an unbelievable strenght, Unit-01 pushed its hand on the enemy face, and crushed it, then it pushed what remained of its head on the ground and started hitting the body. It was not long before the enemy started moving for good, but it took 3 minutes for Shinji to regain control over himself and the EVA.

At that point he could actually make up what was outside of his cockpit, but he didn't recognize the enemy to be a white EVA, because of his dismal condition. What he actually recognized, what a power cable for the EVA near his position.

"Oh, that's good. I don't know for how much Unit-01 will be able to move"

He got up and plugged the energy cable in the EVA, returning all the systems online.

"Rei…Rei…do you receive me"

Shinji heard Misato's voice, which contacted Unit-01 as soon as that became possible.

"Hi Misato. Rei's not here, but it seems like the Angel's defeated"

"What? Shinji? Where's Rei?"

"She went where I was before. We have to try and get her out, I'm sure Ritsuko can…"

Shinji couldn't finish the phrase that it finally got into him. The enemy resembled an EVA.

"Say Misato, Unit-01 was out fighting an Angel right?"

"Yeah, we saw a blue wavelenght from there and Rei went to check it out. We thought that Rei's energy was over and we were searching for a way to send reinforcements, as Asuka is occupied with another fight here."

"Oh, yeah the energy was over it seemed. Rei reached me because of that I think. But the Eva moved even without energy for a while, so I could defeat the enemy and plug in the cable. But still, something's bothering me. The Angel really resembles…"

Shinji was cut short by Misato

"What did you say? A cable? There shouldn't be any power cable at your position"

Everything started to click into Shinji's brain. Covered by the nature, was a deployment point for the Evangelions. One that was not charted on the NERV operations' map. Hence the cable, but that also meant, that what he fought was not a simple Angel.

"Say Misato, how is the Angel that Asuka's fighting?"

"We do not really know, we have no communication on the layer she's in now. She's deep into the Central Dogma"

"Because the one here…really resembles an EVA"

"What? It can't be"

Shinji fot Unit-01 up and went back near the destroyed enemy. It really resembled and EVA, so he checked, he watched on the neck, and he could make it out. A cockpit was there. It was damaged, so it opened and the LCL flew out, together with the pilot. As Shinji feared, there was a pilot, and not a dummy suit. But what Shinji could not image was the pilot's identity. The pilot was still aline, even if she was injured. She had an helmet, but was breathing heavily with the helmet on it. So she took it off. Revealing her blue, short hair. Revealing her red eyes. Revealing that it was Rei.

Shinji was confused and shocked.

He couldn't know

His Rei was inside the train as much as he knew it.

And that should have been an Angel

The Angel against which Rei fought.

But there was something more to it.

And it that moment he couldn't know, but everything would eventually lead back to that man.

To Gendo's desperate love, and to that man Deeds of Cruelty


	19. Third Impact

While Unit-01 was inactive after Rei's loss of consciousness, Asuka's Unit-02 was being redirected towards the Central Dogma.

"You sure this is the right call Misato?"

"We need to prevent the Angel's from breaching into the Central Dogma, that's their objective. So if 2 of them attacked at the same time we are obliged to deal with the one the nearest to the Dogma"

"Will Rei be okay on her own?"

"She will"

Misato didn't want to tell Asuka about Rei's unknown condition. She needed Asuka to be in top shape for the battle ahead. That Angel sneaked under everyone's noses and no one saw it. Or so Misato thought. The truth was not that different though. An Angel actually sneaked in NERV without anyone noticing, but that Angel did far more than Misato could imagine. It disguised itself as a human, tried to learn their behaviour, communicate with them, and, in a way, also saved them once.

It was the SEELEE children.

An Angel is human clothes. The same Angel that was now facing Gendo in the Central Dogma, with its own Evangelion in its support.

"I don't think you actually need that. You're facing off 3 armless human"

"Don't try to fake it Lilin. Or should I still call you Commander Ikari? I know the doll that's with you is not a normal one, she's the final right? She's the one you intend to use to fuse with Adam cells. That means she must have awoken Lilith's. And for us Angel, there's nothing more fearsome than our own mother"

"It seems you understand exactly the situation. So, why are you stopping us instead of uniting with Adam yourself? Isn't that the Angel's mission?"

"It's the Angel nature to seek Adam. But I do understand that what's hidden in there is not Adam. Still it's true that If I were to touch it, I could cause a Third Impact nonetheless. But that's where I strive from my nature. I do have an objective, but it's not aligned with yours, nor with SEELEE, nor with the Angels. And to reach that objective, I need to take over that Humanity Instrumentality Project of yours."

Gendo made a gesture with his hand toward the Rei clone, that without hesitation projected her own AT field against Kaworu, trying to destroy its body. But her AT field found the resistance of two different AT fields, the Angel's one and the EVA one.

"You know, Unit-06 is supposed to be the strongest. But even using that, I cannot kill the little Lilith, I would stop your project, not take over it. So it seems like we're stuck like this."

Kaworu pointed towards the Rei clone

"Lilith, will you unleash the Impact to me?"

"What"

Gendo was surprised by Kaworu's approach

"I know how you feel Lilith. Created just to be used, a means to an end, born in this world without the only gift the love of a parent, not as a person, but as an object. This could change, you can trigger the Impact and take control over it. That would align with my desires"

The Rei clone didn't respond. She didn't had the time to think about her own existance. Her revival was staged to be executed only some hours before the final act of the Instrumentality Project, so she didn't know what to think about Kaworu's words.

"Don't listen to him Rei."

While Gendo tried to convince the Rei clone on believing in him, an unexpected help came from above. Another violent shockwave arrived, and with it there was another Evangelion. EVA Unit-02.

"Commander get ba-"

Asuka noticed Commander Ikari and Fuyutsuki first, but while talking to them, she noticed the Rei clone.

"Wait Re-"

Unit 06 attacked Unit 02, trying to finish it off with one strike, as that was the only way in which Kaworu could handle the two enemies. But Asuka was too good of a pilot to let Kaworu win it off like that. She reacted, and instantly she started tackling Unit-06, unable to care much about the whole situation.

That was the worst possible scenario for Kaworu. Lilith was far too powerful for it to restrain her on its own. The Angel was then casted aside by the Rei close itself. Opening the way to the giant white body, which was Lilith's true body. Kaworu didn't speak up anymore, letting Gendo and Rei pass toward the core of the Central Dogma.

"It's time Rei, take the lance out of Lilith body"

The Rei clone started flying, and without even touching the lance, she took it out.

"Good, now come here, I have Adam's cells in my body, we can start the Impact"

But the Rei clone didn't go. Instead, she touched Lilith body. She didn't really know why. She had an actual self consciousness for only some hours, but even so, she wanted to defy both the man and the Angel that tried to chain her.

"It seems the little doll was not entirely under your control, commander Ikari"

Kaworu watched from afar, while commanding Unit-06 with some sort of psychic power

"That too, must be destiny."

The Rei clone was instantly sucked in Lilith body, she didn't even had time to notice it. And then the body started growing, and growing, at a fast pace.

"It's checkmate Ikari. You cannot control that anymore, not without the two lances."

In the meantime, Asuka was distracted by the fast growing body of Lilith. And that led to the girl actually letting Unit-06 go away from her tackle.

"But the lances reply to someone else's"

Unit-06 went back to Kaworu, which entered in it. Then the EVA raised his arms to the sky, and in small time, two lancer arrived in both arms. Lilith body was still growing, in some minutes it would take over the entire Terminal Dogma, but then, Kaworu went on the top of the ever evolving body, and stabbed it with the two lances.

"Now, the time to express your wish has come"

Once the body was pierced, it stopped growing without control. But what happened instead, was that in the sky, over all of Neo Tokyo, the alchemists' Tree of Life appeared, and the formless body assumed the form of a giant, white lady. It resembled Rei.

"Now, it started correctly as it should have been. I'm waiting for you Shinji, you will be the true master, of the Third Impact"


	20. Tomorrow is in your Hands

Shinji got out of the EVA, and went towards the girl trapped inside the cockpit of the white, Angel-like EVA.

He intended to go towards Rei, but the girl collapsed shortly after removing her helmet. Her body fell, crashing onto her EVA's remains. Shinji ran towards her, screaming to make a contact that didn't receive any response. When Shinji arrived to the girl's location, he found a painful sight.

Her body was compulsively shaking, her red eyes were empty and from her mouth saliva was coming out. She was clearly not in control of her own body. Shinji tried to hold her in his arms, but that only showed him another disgusting sight. By holding her he noticed how the suit was damaged on the left arm, that had bubble-like deformities growing on it.

"Rei, Rei wake up, Rei"

The girl couldn't reply. Shinji shook her for some minutes, but soon her body stopped moving. The girl died in Shinji's arms. Without specifying who she was. Without confirming to Shinji what was happening. Without providing an hint on if Shinji's action were right or wrong. She just expired, her duty completed, like an object which did its job and then broke.

Poor thing, was never truly alive

But Shinji couldn't know it. He knew "his" Rei was on the train, but he couldn't ignore that a damaged, dead version of the girl he fell in love, just died in his arms, killed after the battle he fought against her. Yet he couldn't toss away that cadaver. No sense of disgust or fear could top the fear Shinji had for the loss of that contact with the girl body. If he had toss the body, maybe he wouldn't ever be able to embrace Rei again.

The girl awaiting for him on the train, the girl that saved him from inside Unit-01, felt distant, felt unreal. In that moment the reality was that other Rei, maybe it was actually the same one, maybe just she was an angel in Rei's form, maybe Shinji was just going straight up crazy. The strength with which the body embraced the cadaver surely would point towards the last option.

But in that moment there was no one to stop him

No one could help him

No one could condemn him

It's funny how in a world covered with wires to keep connection, a step is enough to result in being totally isolated.

In the same way, it's funny how a gesture like a warm embrace could be so different from case to case, from the purest way of affection, to the sadder gesture done before a departure.

Eventually, something stopped Shinji.

The boy was totally mentally absent, but even in his pitiful state he could make out what was happening.

He saw the tree of life, and then a gigantic, white hand covered the sky above him. The white hand then proceeded in crushing him.

The fear of the sight, the pain of what happened to him, the desperation of impending death. Everything in Shinji mind clashed, leaving what could be defined a voidout in his brain. He couldn't do anything to survive. The hand crushed him, and everything went blank

—

Shinji opened his eyes.

He was laying on the floor

A familiar ceiling over his head

A familiar atmosphere surrounding him.

Little bumps making it difficult to sleep, a faint yet annoying sound due to the movement.

He was there again

On the train

Realizing the thing Shinji got up and started looking around while panicking.

If he went back there, then he could see Rei.

He could see that he didn't kill her.

But as soon as he got up he understood something. That he was not in the same place as always.

The windows displayed what seemed like the sky, and everything was darker, as if it was night.

The section of the train was not the same either, he was much more near to the head this time. He tried going to the door separating the sections but he couldn't get it open.

"Welcome Shinji"

Shinji turned around to find the silver boy from before. He appeared out of nowhere.

"Where is Rei?"

"Don't you want to know where you are first?"

"I don't care, I need to go where Rei is"

"Don't worry, she's safe. She's some section back there. You'll get the occasion to see her again."

Shinji took a relief breath.

He didn't kill Rei. At least not "his" Rei. But the relief was brief. The guilt of killing another people remained, the trauma of having seen what was basically a replica of Rei's body, dead, in his arms, took control over him again. Shinji held his head in his hands and started crying. It was too much to take

"I told you, you shouldn't have gone out. Not yet"

Kaworu hugged Shinji while he was crying

"I love you Shinji, and I'm working to make your wish come true. I know it's difficult, but trusting the one who loves you it's the first step to overcome the hedgehog dilemma"

Shinji didn't understand what Kaworu meant, but could feel the warmth in his voice. He was sincere while trying to make him feel better.

"You think you're worthless, but you're special Shinji. In this world where Lilins have gained enough knowledge to induce the apocalypse but not enough to know how to communicate without hurting each other, you're the one that can undo the barriers between people."

In that moment, the train transformed.

Shinji and Kaworu where now standing on the hand of a gigantic white Lilith. The giant was passing through everything, but for some reason it could touch the two boys.

"What do I have to do? What can I do to communicate with others?"

"An Angel cannot give you that answer Shinji. I can make your wish true, but it is you which has to express the wish"

The boy watched towards Lilith head. He should have been terrorized, but he was totally fed up. The amount of trauma he had to endure resulted in him only having one thing in his head. The wind was blowing against the two boys skin. Shinji walked toward the tip of Lilith moment he arrived, the EVA 01, in a strange form, arrived there, flying. An aureola was formed on his head, and with his arrival, the same ghastly atmosphere from the Tenth Angel fight came to Neo-Tokyo.

Shinji raise his hand towards the EVA, and was immediately absorbed by it when he touched it.

"This is your finale Shinji"

Kaworu watched from afar while Shinji boarded the EVA-01, the last piece of the Third Impact puzzle

"Tomorrow is in your hands"


	21. Neo-Tokyo Longest Day

Asuka was confused on the situation. Not only because she saw a white mass growing uncontrollably before her eyes, but also because that white chunk of meat seemed to have been untouchable. She couldn't exactly graps what happened to it after its expansion, but one thing was sure.

That thing should have crushed her.

She couldn't see it anymore, but everything around her was still intact.

The only damages she could see around the Central Dogma were the ones she made while fighting Unit-06, that was now disappeared alongside the white…thing.

She was not alone in that room though. Commander Ikari and Fuyutsuki were in the center of the room.

"Commander? Is everything okay?"

Asuka words fell on deaf Gendo's ears. He was on his knees, staring right to its front, towards the place where Kaworu, Rei and the white thing were. The sight of his back emanated disbelief, and his body seemed to have not catch up with reality yet. Luckily, Fuyutsuki was less impacted by the events, and could reply to Asuka's question.

"You don't need to focus on this now. I don't think what that boy started can be stopped, but we must try something"

Fuyutsuki took a break, he knew everything was hopeless, but still he didn't want to concede that easily. Their plan was destroyed because they didn't know something about the nature of the Angels and the holy lances, so maybe there was a solution to that situation. A way to prevent the Third Impact, but they didn't know yet. He wanted to at least have the Children try something. Like always, in the end he was cowardly counting on the Children. All the schemes of the great but despicable man that plotted to take over the Third Impact resulted in that same man breaking up one step away from the goal. So now he had to have faith in the Children, not much for his own will, but out of sheer hopelessness.

"Climb up to the top, the only way up is towards that elevator cable. You could use you energy cable too, but I wouldn't want to destroy it as there are no substitutes for it down here. This is an Angel attack, the worst one yet. When you reach a distance in which you can communicate with the command room, gave them the authorization to use that girl know something about this too. The password for the door unlock is -Wille- "

"Got it"

Asuka turned around and got on the sturdy elevator cable to climb up at least until the first stratus in which she could have used some other way to surface. She did it naturally, without any care for the actual situation of the other two. Fuyutsuki watched her as she got farther and farther away, questioning himself if she was just prioritizing the world, or if they were so inhuman on the Children eyes to let her abandon them without a glint of remorse.

For all the big planes and advanced schemes that they put in motion, they were not worthy of a little girl care. Maybe he was just overthinking it, maybe she really just prioritized the world, but even in the most incoherent situation, humans long for attention, and the lack of empathy shown by the Children towards him, made him feel small. Even if she was nothing to him, the fact that he was nothing to her in that moment of despair, made Fuyutsuki understand how fooling he and Gendo were. In the search of an answer, they lost their humanity, and in that situation, even if they manage to find the answer, what good will it bring?

—

When the gigantic figure popped out in the sky, in the command room everyone was speechless. Misato tried to contact Shinji immediately, but to no avail, and all were left powerless to watch that white giantess. The camera showed this giant, but its existence made no sense. Everything it touched was actually no damaged at all, demonstrating how that creature was immaterial.

But even so, it existed. It emanated a AT Field, and the reading of blue diagram were present. It was an Angel, but with a unique diagram. Something they never saw, and yet another evolution of NERV's enemy.

In the command room was also Mari, that reached Misato in there. After all there was no spare EVA for her to use aside from the locked out Unit-05, that was sent there by an afraid NERV EUROPE after the incident of the Tenth Angel.

"Misato, do you copy?"

Asuka voice broke through the line

"Asuka, did you neutralize the Angel in the Central Dogma? We didn't receive any other reading from there"

"Yes, well, kind of. Unit 06 merged with a white enormous body and disappeared"

"Well, this kinda explains what's happening are you? Can you reach a launch pad?"

"I'm actually connecting Unit-02 to the 01-52 launch pad. Ready to go whenever."

"Great, the situation out there is strange, but we lost contact with Rei. We heard Shinji's voice for a moment but then we lost him too. I think this could be like the Tenth Angel incident. We need to stop it somehow"

Asuka attached the EVA on the launchpad, and prepared herself. The situation was awful, but the adrenaline in her body got her to go on without any issues as of that point.

"One more thing, we will need also Unit-05"

"I agree, but it's locked and only Commander Ikari knows the unlock password, and we are not able to contact him either. Fuck how is that now that we need people they are just vanished. First Kaworu, then the Commander"

"They were all on the pit of the Central Dogma. They were fighting over something, and it ended up with Kaworu and Rei triggering whatever that is."

"Wait…did you say Rei? She was on the Unit-01 fighting the Angel on the outside. It's true we lost connection with her, but that could not be truly Rei"

"I'm only telling you what I saw. I too think it was not Rei, but that's what I saw. Anyway, we can think on an explanation later. The Commander gave me the password, it's Wille."

Mari was listening to the conversation in the background. She was quiet, but was smirking, it was her time again.

"Great, unlock Unit-05 and I will reach the Princess out there. We'll find a way out of this eventually"

Misato sighed, ignored Mari and talked to Asuka

"We're unlocking unit 05 right now, but we don't know if we have time to wait until its deployment. I'm sorry top ask Asuka, but I need you to go on the frontline alone, Unit-05 will catch in some minutes."

"Don't worry Misato, I understand"

Asuka placed on herself the burden of that battle. But it didn't weight much. Instead she found force in it,she glued together her own pride and the obsession of being the other people hope she developed after her revival.

She emerged on to a absurd situation. The sky was red, a vortex formed in the sky, right above the head of a giant white Rei. And between those two, something shone. She felt that she needed to reach that shine, as if she believed that was the core.

Hence began the last act

The story of Neo-Tokyo Longest Day


	22. But the Monster refused

"I suppose I have to reach that place"

Asuka mumbled to herself, referring to the shining light that sparkled on the Giantess hands. Her white hands were united and were taking the light higher and higher, while their colors clashed with the dreary red of the environment.

"How can I do that though, I don't have any way to do it and even so surely my energy cable won't help me up there"

Trying to not lose hope, Asuka started running towards the Giantess, that was standing at the center of the giant lake just outside Neo-Tokyo. The same one where she fought her first Angel battle in Japan. She figured that she could try climbing on the giantess body. She would have to let the energy cable loose sure, but it was worth a try. That creature was not focused on what was around her after all, she was just staring blindlessly at the light.

"It doesn't matter if it is or isn't Rei, I have to destroy the core of that thing. There must be one somewhere"

Asuka accompanied her run across the city with those constant thoughts. Facing that terror, she had to latch onto an heroic belief. Because heroes surpass those adversities, and she had to be that day hero. But her body betrayed the mental state she was trying to force on herself. A simple glance was enough to understand the terror in her body. Her eyes were absent, even if the target was clear, she was not watching it, as her eyes were trying to divert the attention from the situation. Her knees were trembling a little, not enough to let her lose the control of the EVA, but enough to demonstrate her fear. While from the outside her running towards the giantess was the easiest part of the plan, the constant fight between her brain and her body was taking a toll on her. She was on the verge of collapsing with the EVA. Every step sounded heavy, and the breathing of the girl started becoming louder and louder.

"Why am I freaking out now? I was completely fine before. I know I have to figure this situation out. I can save those people. I can continue being their light. So why is this so difficult?"

Asuka was confused, but she refused to calm down. She felt that if she calmed down then the adrenaline that was pushing her against her fear would fade off, and with that the last hope of being the "Light" she was so obsessed with being. Her struggle was something she was facing alone, but her run was not quite that unnoticed. Far up in the air, between the fingers of the Giantess, Kaworu saw Asuka running towards them.

"Oh Lilin, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to handle this fight. Such pride is wasted on a useless fight like the one against Lilith."

Kaworu watched her with eyes full of pity.

"Well, seems like it's not like Shinji's wish will be granted right away. So I can help her too."

Kaworu jumped off the hand, and fell right ahead of Asuka, stopping in mid-air at the same height as the girl's EVA. Asuka knocked out of her thoughts to see the boy flying.

"Seems like I have to pass through the guardian first huh? So I'm on the right track"

Asuka talked with a cocky tone and smirked, not that Kaworu could have seen her expression. Having something to face off against was actually getting her better. She was still trembling against her will, but she could concentrate on something harder than simply running.

"Not quite it. I can assure you, you have no means to touch Lilith. Not without an AT field, something that does not seem you have any way to materialize freely enough. But I appreciate your efforts, I admire how you're trying to take action even knowing it's too late. After all they told you, no Angel can reach the Central Dogma, or your fight is lost. And the materialization of Lilith is a big enough clue to let you understand that they were right in saying it"

"You wouldn't have come here if there was no way to stop it"

"I never said there's no way to stop it. Shinji can do it anytime, but he's not prone to. Not you though. In fact, I'm not because I have to stop you. I'm here because I want to. I want to give your fight a fitting end. To let it have a meaning, let's say. I know Lilin's adore the hero's figure. But what completes the hero's legends is always his death. So this is my gift to you, to show that your fight was admirable. I will make you an hero. Even if, depending on Shinji's choice, maybe no one will be there to admire you"

Asuka snapped, she tried to interrupt his monologue by punching him, but the fist of the EVA was met by an At-field shield that blocked every attack the girl directed towards the boy.

"I'm not your opponent, not directly at least"

Kaworu snapped his finger, and from the lake, 9 white Eva-like monster emerged.

"You know, Shinji's father wanted to use those to force him into causing the same thing he's doing on his own volition now. Isn't it ironic? Now those are not needed in the ritual, but they can be a fitting, heroic end for you. The red child, fought until her very end, bested only by the numbers of her enemies. I think that's a admirable end, don't you agree?"

Asuka wanted to reply, but she had no time, the first of those creatures attacked her with a gigantic sword. A weapon that seemed built for Evangelions but that was never given her in any fights. She managed to evade the attack, took out the knife, and tore a big slash on the monster back. In that moment another monster jumped on her back, while another one was about to hit her with a similiar sword. Asuka's mind was blank in that moment, every doubt was gone, covered by the adrenaline of the fight. Her eyes glowed blue, the smirk on her face was now a sadistic, but honest one. She picked the sword that the first monster dropped, and with an enourmous strenght she twisted Unit-02 body and directed the sword right on the angel that was attacking her, tearing it in two. The one who was attached on her back fell in the lake, but Asuka didn't leave it there, she dropped the sword after the slash, grabbed the third monster head and crushed on the bottom of the lake, with such a strenght that the head of that monster exploded, and the its blood tainted the water around them in red.

A roar shook the earth, but it was not one of the monsters. It was Unit-02's roar. It was not in berserk, Asuka was actually in complete control, but the Eva just echoed Asuka's scream from inside the cockpit, transforming it in a devastating roar

"This scene is something more of a monster than a hero" thought Kaworu. But even so he found the scene fascinating. The Eva-like creatures approached Asuka, and one after the other they were all crashed. Unit-02's roars composed a twisted melody, with every scream, an enemy fall, and in the end, the last creature was defeated. Asuka took the knife and put it in its head, breaking it, but winning in the process. Or so she thought. With the last blow, went after the last second of autonomous function of the EVA. Unit-02 was blocked, covered in blood, in the lake, near the objective Asuka initially had, but without any mean to try and climb the giantess.

"That was a good last stand. This lenghty funeral came to an end though. You did good"

With those words Kaworu gave his back to the scenery, while all the eva-like creatures were regenerating and getting up. They all evolved, grew wings, and started flying around the stopped EVA. Asuka tried to press everything, but to no avail. Her efforts were over. She couldn't even see the outside anymore. She didn't know the enemies were actually still alive. And she didn't know they were about to eat her EVA. But even so, the adrenaline of the fight washed over, and the desperation came in. She didn't felt like she won at all. And that feeling was reinforced by the intense pain she felt afterwards. The creatures, like crows on a corpse, started eating Unit-02, and for some reason, the link between the machine and Asuka persisted. Even with no energy. Asuka felt her meat getting tore apart, her insides getting munched, the mix of pain and disgust bypassed the normal cry and vomit phases and had the girl collapse from the trauma.

Her body was lying in the Eva, just waiting for the "crows" to destroy the cockpit and eat her too.

"Ich weiss nicht "

A familiar song reached Asuka's ear

"Dass ich so traurig bin"

It was a lullaby

The one her mother used to sing

Asuka got up and saw her. Her mother had a baby in her lap. And she was singing her a lullaby.

The girl walked towards her mother, a mother lovingly singing. Even if the lullaby lyrics were not really hopeful, the mother tone was a loving one. It mattered not what song was, just the fact she was singing with such a love in her voice was enough to prove that the baby was loved. That the baby had a place in the world, on her mother lap.

A dream, a wish, maybe that was her paradise. Maybe just an hopeful dream to escape the grim reality.

It mattered not.

Asuka wanted to lose herself in that reality. So she approached her mother. She hugged her. In that strange situation, the grown up daughter was embracing the mother with the same daughter on her lap, in her first years of life. Asuka closed her eyes, and felt happiness. She wanted to indulge in that situation. But then she opened her eyes.

What was on the mother lap, was not a baby Asuka. It was a doll.

Again, that doll.

"Ein Marchen aus uralten Zeiten"

Asuka couldn't stand it. All her life was wasted in pursue of acceptance, because of a doll. A doll overwrote her existence right

" Da kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn"

A sea of darkness engulfed Asuka, while her mother and the doll remained unaffected. She lost her breath, the black water tasted like blood. In that moment she remembered. She was in the cockpit, into the LCL, waiting to die. That vision was probably a memory. And it wa ironic, her last memory was about her mother, and that doll. Until the end, she grieved, until the end she couldn't accept it. At the end of the day, Kaworu gave her an hero's death, but she was no hero. Just a broken doll.

Asuka faced death, and didn't see a light. No hope for her even at the end.

At the end, she had to surpass a last trial. To accept her own death, her own life being useless, accepting that she was just a broken doll.

The hero accepts the death. In their tragedy death completes them. Part of what makes an hero legendary, is that. Their end. The heroes accepted its death.

But Asuka didn't.

The blood in her veins was flowing stronger than ever. In face of despair, she smiled. She smiled for the sake of hope. Because everything until that point was senseless, useless, only if she believed so. Asuka failed the hero's trial. But succeeded in another one. She couldn't accept death yet, and in that refusal lied the answer she seek more. She understood that she was not supposed to be the light for others to give meaning to her life. She understood, that she had to be her own light to see the path she walked on.

And then it was not adrenaline, nor fury. Unit-02 entered in Berserk, let out a scream that scared the creatures away, while they still chewed the meat they already tore apart. But Unit-02 didn't need that meat. The Eva regenerated, the eyes glowed blue, differently from the usual red light,and Unit-02 was back on its feet. Steam covered its body after the regeneration, reflecting the heat Asuka was feeling in the LCL inside the cockpit. She too, had the same blue eyes as before, but this time the eyes were focused. They watched right ahead, she was not using her instincts alone to fight. She was not transforming fear into survival instincts.

She was synchronized completely synchronized with her EVA.

She could have given up, and accepted the destiny of the tragic hero. To satisfy herself with a death that would have put end to the pain.

She could have chosen to end it. The hero, the light she was obsessed with, accepted that faith.

But the Monster refused


	23. Fragment - a last interlude -

From the Command Room in the NERV HQ, Misato observed Asuka's fight.

The despair filling her soul after losing contact with the girl was quickly overwritten by confusion, in seeing the EVA back on its own feet.

A radio communication was opened through the EVA channels, but it was not Asuka's voice piercing through it. Instead Mari commented on the scene

"Like I thought, they did that to her too"

The american girl just surfaced,and was about to go giving Asuka the help she was sorely needing.

"What do you mean Mari? Do you know what's happening?"

"Well, yes…oh, I don't know about the shitshow that is the sky in this moment, not that. But I think I know what happened to the princess there. You see Misato, I was not completely honest with y'all. But given the situation I think keeping secrets won't do much. You see, I'm able to stimulate berserk into Evangelions thanks to an experiment that was performed in NERV US. No one, aside from Kaji knew about it here, and I suppose he spilled the beans to Gendo. Because I think they replicated the experiment on Asuka. I don't know much about the details, but they modified our blood, mixing it with the ones from the Angel. In US they had some samples retrieved after the Second Impact. You know they got there first when shit went down there. I supposed they used on Asuka the blood from what was being kept on the Central Dogma."

"You kept this secret?"

"Well, yes…it was my mission after all. To come here and keep an eye on things, NERV US was not completely fine with HQ having the angel from the second impact stored in the Dogma. And I was surprised myself to see only Gendo knew about it. That was suspicious. I couldn't trust anyone, but now that we're in this situation, I suppose that was a bad call."

Misato directed her attention towards Ritsuko, demanding explanations.

"I…did know about the experiments"

"What? You made that girl go trough something that dangerous? For what end?"

"You should learn to detach emotions while you're working Commander Misato. You know we needed better pilots. We were losing against the evolution of the Angels. We had to do it"

Misato had a lot to things to say. But she couldn't bring herself to say them. That was not the time. But once again, inside herself, Misato understood that she still couldn't trust anyone. Not that any of that had mattered, as outside, it seemed like the world was coming to an end.

\- - - - - - - - — - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mari detached her pink EVA, Unit-05, from the rail, while keeping the cable plugged in.

She held a gigantic sniper rifle with the mecha hands. It was a smaller scale, smaller powered version of the one used in the Ramiel incident some time before by Shinji and sniper was developed in the former NERV US, now being inactive. The girl was trying to find a place from which she could shoot and help out Asuka during her fight. Mari loved being a long range shooter, even if she ofter has found herself going on melee against her enemies. She was a really ambiguous girl, but she didn't really care about doing anything about that. She enjoyed her strangeness, so she decided to not fight it, but to embrace it entirely.

She felt no guilt in that situation. She was not feeling guilty of not having predicted Gendo's plan, and the was not feeling guilty that she had revealed secret information to Misato. She just did what she thought was right in a moment to moment basis. She didn't try to reflect on past action, and that fact kept her from being predictable.

Even so, she was set on resolving that situation. Not out of guilt, but out of spite. She was pissed on Kaworu, because he didn't outsmart her, he plainly cheated by being an Angel, a variable that could have not be predicted. Once found the right position, she took aim on Kaworu. She saw that the guy could interject projectiles with the AT field, so she waited for an opening. Until the end, Mari was set on resolving the situation her way. But more than anything, she breathed in the LCL and smiled, as she was ready to fight in the world's Final Showdown

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On the top of the Giantess, Unit-01 glowed of a strange, bright, golden light.

Inside it was Shinji.

He mounted the EVA because he knew he had to do it, and now the machine was flying in the sky without him doing anything.

He actually didn't know what he had to do now that he was in the EVA, so he closed his eyes. And even if he felt his body still being on the EVA, he could see the train, and on it was Kaworu.

"It's almost time Shinji, the train is pratically at destination"

"And what about the destination?"

"You'll know what you have to do there. It's the place where destiny lies. All humans are bound by it, and the rules are defined in that place. You can change those rules and forge your destiny. Have you thought about it? Your wish?"

"I…think so"

"Want to share it? I wanted to have your wish granted, but I couldn't understand what your wish is"

"Before that…why? Why giving this power to me?"

"Because it's you, Shinji"

"That doesn't make any sense"

"Everything makes sense. It's just that it's not always possible to make sense out of everything at the right moment. You're special Shinji, you don't remember it, but you showed to me that you are. And last time, I couldn't make your wish come true. I thought you needed to get stronger to survive in this world, but as it ends up, that wasn't the answer. You know, last time you and I fell in love, but then you had to kill me. And in that killing, I thought I granted your wish. You surpassed love for the greater good. You were always tormented by love, and by killing it I suppose you could have overcome it. But it seems like love was too strong. So I thought about what to do next time, but there was no answer. I could only prepare everything for you. And now it's the moment"

"You mean, we already met?"

"Yes, we already did. But that time, the prophecy was reverted. And now, here we are again, and only Angels remember. Well, I suppose I can say only I do remember. Given that I'm the only Angel that can think"

"I…don't think I can understand, even if I try"

"Will you tell me your wish anyway?"

The train was shaken

"What was that?"

"The force of the monster who's trying to stop you. I'm fighting it on the outside, you have nothing to worry. It's just that it's stronger that it seemed"

"You need help?"

"Not at all, it just took me by surprise. But there's no need"

"You can call support on the HQ if you need"

Kaworu smiled without replying.

"So, will you tell me your wish?"

"I suppose I can, after all you did for me. You said that I struggled with love, and that's true. I loved my parents, but one died too soon for me to remember, and the other was a person I could not connect with. I loved Rei, and…well you saw what that caused. I loved Misato, but we couldn't ever really understand each other. I loved Asuka, but I think she never really appreciated me enough for me to connect with her. And this loss of connection, is the root of the pain. It hurts while you're trying to connect and cannot, and it hurts when someone's dies because you're filled with the regret of not having form a connection with them. And there's no way to overcome this. We're just cursed to live with the burden of being unable to connect with other. So if I really can change fate, I want to change that. I want to erase the barrier everyone has around them"

" Doing that will have consequences. The only way to understand each other is to love individuality"

" There's another way. Which is kinda similiar now that I think about it."

"How?"

"If I can change the world at its' roots. I can make everyone come together as one. I can decide to make every individuality part of a sea of consciousness, erasing pain, erasing suffering, I can make everyone overcome their barriers because there will be no barriers whatsoever"

Shinji talked with excitement in his voice, while Kaworu listened to the whole explanation

"A fascinating solution"

"You think it'll work?"

" I have no mean to know it"

"What happened last time?"

" I don't know, I wasn't alive back then. You'll have to make the jump, to decide for humanity"

The train shook again, Kaworu assured Shinji that was not an issue, but on the outside, things were getting chaotic

"The fate will not be decided just by one Children huh? That's interesting", Kaworu thought this, but he didn't said it to Shinji. From there on, his role was reaching the end.

Now it's time for the climax, he thought

Thinking of that last moment of intimacy with Shinji, as a last interlude


	24. Blazing petals of the red twilight

The red monster stood in the circle of the executioners

The grey arbitrator could only observe with awe, as the last breath of the Hero gave birth to that creature.

The screeching sound of its scream, made the executioners tremble, and the prolonged funeral for Asuka became instead a real battlefield.

The EVA 02, with pink, steaming flesh covering the previous injuries, started moving faster and faster. A head crushed, a mouth widened to the point of destruction, limbs broken, bodies tear apart. The pieces of the EVA series that assaulted Asuka were scattered around the lake, while Kaworu watched the scene.

" A futile fight to the end of the world. A fitting metaphor of humankind will to live perhaps, but seeing the fight being this brutal really represents mankind history in its fullest. Every man, fighting the other to stay survive, leaving only trails of destruction"

A shot reached for him in that moment. From afar, Unit05 was shooting with a giant rifle. That shot would have been devastating if it was not for Kaworu AT field. But Mari didn't give up, and she just kept shooting and shooting, every time she pressed the trigger the aim went a little off.

"She's just rage shooting as of now.I think I made her mad."

Kaworu smirked while watching towards the EVA, which was kilometers away from him. Mari and Kaworu were not really communicating, but Kaworu still watched toward her, amused by her rage. Mari was not the type of girl to be consumed by rage. She was instead the kind of fighter which was fueled by that emotion. And she just took Kaworu attention toward her, as a gamble. The only way to beat a being like Kaworu, was to put all her faith in something that was not sure to happen. And luckily for her, a certain monster was smiling at her gamble.

While Kaworu redirected the AT field towards Mari, Asuka's 02 shifted its attention. The slaughter of the EVA series was halted, and the 02 directed its focus toward Kaworu and grabbed him with its right hand while the boy for just a second showed a surprised face.

"That was a distraction…what a choice. To gamble on a berserk unit."

The Eva series started to regenerate and attacked Unit 02, but its grasp was firm, and its stance was unshaken. The 4 red leds of the Unit were shining, and Kaworu was their only focus.

Even if the enemies were trying to chomp on its exposed flesh, Asuka's EVA was not flinching, and after some moments, an unexpected voice came out.

"She gambled on me, not on the berserker unit"

"Lilin? You're still conscious?"

"Yeah, I surpassed your barrier without losing myself."

"Hmpft, it seemed like you surrender yourself to madness, and tried to survive by letting instincts take control. After all, that Evangelion has quite a genetical bond with you, he should reply to your instincts."

"The Evangelion is a tool, the pilot is what makes it move."

"So, that aggressive, brutal behaviour, that was all yours. You were that monster"

"I suppose you can say that"

"And by becoming a monster you plan to save yourself. Is it different from letting your primordial instincts go wild."

"Yeah, after all, this is my choice"

The grasp tighte suddendly, a splat of blood dirtied the hands of EVA 02. The ruthless pilot just eradicated another hindrance. The EVA series were still regenerating and attacking Asuka, but with Kaworu out of the picture, Mari could focus on taking on the other enemies and helped Asuka freeing herself.

"Good job princess, that dickhead had what he deserved"

"Your signal was on point, I don't like to ask this, but can you handle those guys? They won't regenerate if you broke their core, like the Angels. But the core is really small, you need to search for that. I stopped a couple of them, but I don't know exactly where the core is"

"No worries, without the barrier of that broken guy I can take them."

Mari clacked her rifle and shot a EVA series that had just gotten up.

"That's the best job for me. But how will go in there? Isn't that thing immaterial?"

"I'll find a way"

Asuka ran inside the white giantess, trying to grab on her body only to fail.

"There must be a way"

She had no ideas on how to proceed, so she started doing what her guts told her to. She expanded the EVA AT Field, she started to feel the giantess body as a presence around her. She knew she could become one with it, so she expanded the field as much as she could, as much as her Unit could. Inside the cockpit Asuka closed her eyes, as she tried to include everything in her AT field,until she felt something, she felt like she had touched someone with her field. So she opened her eyes, and she was not on the EVA anymore.

She was on a train.

The chaos around her was gone, instead her eyes stared a toward a familiar face. A friendly face.

"R…Rei?"

"So, in the end you're calling me by name"

"Rei, where were you? What were you doing on with the commander? Why you started this?"

"Sorry…I don't know. I was not with the commander today, and I don't even know exactly what's happening on the outside"

"So…where are we?"

"That is something I could know. Not in details, but I think this train is connected to what's happening outside."

Asuka watched her surrounding, the cold train was moving but it was not possible to see outside the windows

"You know, I met Shinji here twice, I think this place is connected to all of us since the incident of the Tenth Angel"

"So Shinji was here all this time…"

Asuka watched Rei straight in her eyesits

"Rei, what is this place?"

"Kaworu said this is the train to the promised land. But I think this is fate. We're moving towards the place where humanity fate will be decided, and the promised land will be the one Shinji chose."

"And you know what will he chose?"

"I'm not sure. I pushed him out of here before, thinking that will save him. But the fact you're here tells me that outside the situation is not good"

"Well, it's not. I entered here by expanding my AT field inside a giantess body which appeared in Neo Tokyo, and I think Shinji's on top of her."

"Maybe, to reach Shinji, you need to exit this train too."

"Let's hope that's the right way"

Asuka approached one of the open doors, then stopped and said to Rei

"You're not coming? Doors open"

"The door is closed"

"No, I see it, it's open"

"I think we are not seeing the same door"

"How is that possible?"

"I think I was chosen to foresee the fate train. Shinji was initially here, and I pushed him out, so I think he'll need to come back to decide the destination. And I'm here until then, ideally he would have been here until the time came, but I think my connection with him messed Kaworu's plan up."

With a serious face Asuka stared towards Rei

"I'll come for you after I'll fix this up with Shinji"

"We'll see each other at the right time then"

Said that, Asuka stepped out, and she found herself in her EVA, but she was not on the lake, inside the giantess- She was on the top of the giantess. A bright cross was in front of her, at the center of the cross was EVA-01. A red field on the giantess severed head was about to become the stage of the final confrontation, and the fate of the world was to be decided amidst the blazing petals of the the red twilight.


	25. Got you

The walls of the EVA's cockpit were disappearing around Shinji, while the mecha slowly started flying.

The Halo on the 01's head was now glowing, while a cross of light appeared on the EVA back, like if those were its wings. The world was revolving, waiting for the final decision, at the core of the Impact, a white giantess with the face of a young girl was raising the actual core of the revolution on the top of the planet. It seemed like a white tree with a red glowing seed at its top. But none of this mattered inside the core itself, where Shinji's reality was morphing into something else. Understanding that the cockpit of the EVA was just a dissolving cage, Shinji closed his eyes, to let the Impact take him wherever it needed to go.

"Shinji"

A mature, yet pure voice called out to him. A sweet fragrance came under his nose, a nostalgic yet unrecognized one. Shinji opened its eyes, to find himself sit on a chair, staring toward a familiar, yet unknown ceiling. A gentle light entered through the windows, lighting up a simple room in a small apartment. Outside the windows some other houses could be seen, and the noise of life pierced through the open curtains. Shinji never loved the city noise, but in that moment he couldn't help but feel refreshed of hearing some.

"Shinji, come on, eat up"

The voice called out to Shinji again, so that the boy finally directed his eyes towards it. A good looking mature woman, with short brown hair just served him a tasty looking meal. Her face was familiar, yet unknown to the boy.

"Are you an Angel?"

"Oh boy, do you think you should try to flatter your mom?"

"M..Mom?"

Yui Ikari, a presence always looming onto Shinji's life, yet never truly alive in its eyes. Yui was just a faint light of a past he couldn't remember, the happiness he was denied as a child. He could finally recognize her properly.

"Yes"

"Why…why are you here now?"

"I'm not here now, or it's better to say I was always here in a way. After all, you know where "here" is Shinji?"

"I'm inside Unit-01 right?"

"Yes, this is the first time you came this deep consciously"

"So…you were inside here?"

"Well, let's say Unit-01 took something more than just my life. I became a part of it, or maybe I should say I became "it". Like if I'm the soul inside the soulless puppet we created."

"Why you never reached me before? I was fighting inside here"

Yui's eyes were saddened, Shinji understood how his words were saddening her. The woman took his face and stared through it with her pure eyes.

"I tried, Shinji. I really tried. But unfortunately, I couldn't really do anything. I could only make the EVA go berserk, to save you that one time. But aside from that, I was trapped here."

Shinji reached to Yui's hands with his own, and started crying. The feel of those hands touching him lovingly on the cheeks was touching for him, a lone children to which love was denied by the father.

"But I could see you Shinji, I saw your struggles, I saw what you did to save Rei. You did good, I'm proud of you"

"I didn't resolve anything though"

Shinji continued crying, he felt like all the pain and regret he had inside could be externalized as long as that conversation continued

"You did plenty, you gave that girl a meaning. You know, she piloted Unit-01 for quite some time while you were inside here. And I could see her, feel her. She's a really strange girl you know? Really shy and not good with emotions, but even if she couldn't really handle her feelings properly, she was honest. And that's a rarity. It's funny, if you were born as a girl, me and your father would've called you Rei, like that girl"

Hearing about Gendo made Shinji think.

"Can I ask you something, Mom?"

"Go ahead, dear Shinji"

"Why did you love Dad? I tried in every way to connect with him, but I can't. He's manipulative, emotionless, cruel…and so disinterested in me. If he loved you, why would he neglect me? Shouldn't he keep me near as a memento? Instead he pushed me away…"

Yui chuckled a bit as he embraces her son.

"I loved him because he made me feel like he loved me. I know it's not a good explanation, not a really romantic way of describing my love towards your Dad…but, you know I always think about this one scene. The moment I think I fell in love with him. We were still young, and after we got to know each other we started going out. He was a strange guy, at time he was nice, at times he was a jerk. A lot of people hated him because of this latter side. But I always saw that side as a facade, something he put up to deal with his weakness. He doesn't show it, but he's really bad at handling his emotions. Even so, I started getting sick of this two sides, and our relationship deteriorated, so, one day he came to my apartment with a lot of blue roses, professing his love and saying he was sorry for being a jerk. In that moment he splurted out everything, why his behaviour was the way it was, why he hid himself behind a mask. He showed his vulnerable side and was so ashamed of it. But he did it nonethless, and I felt that to be sincere…and as I said about Rei, honesty is a rarity I think."

"Was it really this simple?"

"Showing our weak side to someone is not simple, it never is. The fear of being hurt surpasses the courage of trying."

"I can't believe that to be the same Dad I know…"

Shinji could feel Yui's body shaking, she was trying to resist the shaking, but she couldn't fake it.

"I think…at the end…he hurt himself too badly. He exposed everything to me and we loved each other for years. I could feel his love to be genuine and strong, and the more genuine the feeling, the more it hurts its backlash. By coming inside here, by failing that experiment, I took the most important thing away from him. I…I think he never…recovered. I know it's hard, but please, try to understand him"

"I'm sorry. I cannot"

Shinji detached from her mother embrace and got up.

"Even knowing the reason why he neglected me, I cannot justify it. Even injured, he could have still kept me. I still cannot love him, and he cannot love me. He exposed himself once to you, and he never intends on doing that again. This dilemma cannot be solved, not in this world. But this is why I'm here."

A higher noise came through the window, Shinji immeadiately recognized it.

"I was glad to meet you Mom, but I have to go. I'll find a solution, to everything. Just, look over me until the end"

"Just think about it Shinji,I know what you want to do. To make everything whole, is that a good choice?"

"Our existence is a perpetual stalemate, no one can make a move, no one will make a move. In a way, the only reason I was even born was that Dad tried to break that stalemate by showing his weaknesses. But that backfired on the longterm,but gave birth to me. If I make a world where there's no boundaries between people, I also make a world where we can't hurt each other in any way. I have to act toward that goal, just like Dad acted towards his. And he was always marching towards its goal, he was always trying to get you, even as the NERV commander. And now…I think I get him in a way, longing for something so much to endanger everything to get it, I think I get it. After all, I'm the same. I will make everything whole, just to get to my goal, to overcome the limit of our boundaries."

"Is that worth losing our individuality?"

"What has individuality ever done for us?"

With those words Shinji walked out of the window, and found himself into the train. This time, he was alone in it, and the doors to exit were open.

The promised land, the core of the Third Impact awaited outside.

Shinji stepped outside, but a strong quake made him fall, the train disappeared alongside the promised land, and the cockpit returned all around Shinji.

The EVA 01, fell on top of the Giantess head, and together with it another Evangelion, red like the liquid in which they were standing.

"Got you, Stupid Shinji"


	26. Finale - But StillWe Remain

To revolutionize the world, to end the journey by connecting everything, there was still a last barrier to overcome. Yet, it was not the barrier Shinji expected to find. A red demon was guarding the gate for the promised land, but that demon was not something Shinji wanted to fight

"Unit…02?"

No, that was not right. It was not only Unit 02, he heard her voice before she pulled him out of the train, back to reality. Behind the twisted face of a broken yet fearful unit 02 laid the girl that started his psychological downfall.

"A…Asuka? You're still there Asuka? You're still alive?"

"Of course I am, I'm not the type of girl that you, of all people, can kill"

"Thank God, I'm happy, I'm really happy"

"Yes…I…am happy too that you're alive. Shit, what am I saying, what were you doing there? This seems like an end of the world level mess. Please tell me you know how to stop that."

"No Asuka, you're wrong. This is not a mess, this is salvation"

"What are you babbling about? It's quite clear this thing will kill everyone. Just now her minion tried to kill me "

"What do you mean with that?"

"There's a guy, with grey hair, or it's best to say that there was a guy with grey hair. He tried to stop me with some other Angels"

"Wait…did you kill him?"

"I hope so"

"Why? Was it necessary ? He was just helping me out"

"Helping you out in what? Bringing about the Third Impact? That's quite the opposite of what I want to bring out of this battle"

"There's no reason to stop all of this, if you only stopped and talked to him he would have explained, like he did to me. This event, is not inherently bad, it's just a mean to an end. Kaworu wanted to let me express a wish, and the Impact is just the ritual needed for that wish to be granted."

"You're not this stupid, stupid Shinji. He was an Angel, its obvious he was trying to deceive you into starting the Impact. He probably needed you to trigger the end of the world"

"You don't understand Asuka, no, you don't want to understand. I know he was not lying, I could feel that I can control this event, before you pulled me out I was inside this worlds very own fate. Just trust me this once Asuka. I can take you there with me, we just need to return to the giantess hea.."

Shinji's speech was stopped by a strong pain on it's cheek. Unit-02 ran towards his EVA and hit it with a violent punch, that made Unit-01's armor crack while the Evangelion fell to ground.

"I won't let you end this world because of some fucking bullshit and Angel put in your head. If words won't pass through your thick skull, then I will stop you with my EVA."

Unit-02, still showing a monstrous figure due to the induced berserk, took Unit-01's arm and tore it away. Through the communication channel Asuka could hear the painful screams of Shinji, but that sound fell on deaf ears. What Asuka felt clearly instead was Unit-01 foot crashing on her own EVA's stomach, while the tore arm grew back. Asuka was pushed back and had to take a second to regain full control, giving Shinji enough time to get up and start running towards the glowing cross that he was in previously. That must be the entrance to the promised land he tought, while frantically running, but his control on Unit-01 was sloppy. It seemed like the mech itself was not resisting his inputs. On the other hand, Asuka was fully in control of the beast that her Unit-02 had become. So with a feral jump, the girl grabbed EVA-01's head and crashed it to the ground, just a little stretch before it could reach the glowing cross. No words were spoken by Asuka, that just tried to inflict damage to Unit-01, in order to inflict enough pain to Shinji's body to faint him. But Shinji didn't surrender, he endured the pain, and gathered the last ounce of the EVA's berserk strenght, and with Unit-02 still on its back, Unit-01 closed the gap towards the cross, and jumped right in it.

A white flash blinded Asuka's blue glowing eyes forcing her to close them.

When she re-opened them, they were not blue anymore, and she found herself at the edge of a circle of white roses, that made the limits of what seemed like a fountain full of LCL. At the center of the fountain was not a sprinkle, but a gigantic, 3 meters tall blue bud.

"Do you believe me now?"

Shinji's voice came from her right, he was there standing and staring at the blue bud.

"This is the promised land. You see, while I was absorbed into Unit-01 I found myself on some kind of train. There was nothing strange about the train itself, aside from the destination, it always pointed towards this place. And Kaworu helped me reach it. I was supposed to arrive here from the moment I saved Rei from the Tenth Angel."

Asuka sit there, staring at the blue bud herself

" That could still be the trigger to the apocalypse, stupid Shinji. That guy tried to kill me, Mari and Rei while you were here"

"You're lying Asuka, Rei was here with me all the time. She was caged here as a price for rescuing me from inside that train, if you've seen Kaworu fighting her outside, she was probably a fake. You know, I found a fake too."

Shinji started walking towards the blue bud, but Asuka grabbed his arm.

"Think about this Shinji, what's so precious as a wish to risk to kill everyone? If this is about Rei, I'm sure we can find another way that does not involve gambling on a joker's suggestion."

"What good would it be to save Rei, if she would only suffer by living? No, in fact, what good would it be to preserve this world in which we cannot communicate to each other, in which we only end hurting each other endlessly and without even wanting to. I ended up almost killing you, you should understand what I mean. Our fate is to never understand the other humans, to never overcome the hedgehog dilemma, what good comes from protecting this kind of reality? But…if I use this place to change our fate, to undo the walls that separates us, then we can have a better reality. A reality without a "self" but a "collective". A reality in which both Rei and my mom could escape from her cages while at the same time unite into a "whole", that's the revolution I want to bring"

When Shinji said that, the LCL changed, becoming a reflection of the Earth. Shinji's Wish was being granted, and from the reflection you could see the Giantess gathering a orange sphere from a lot of streams coming from all around the world. At the same time white crosses started piercing everywhere on land. The human unification was being performed right in front of Asuka's eyes. And the girl couldn't accept it. She hit Shinji once again, making the boy fall into the LCL.

"Undoing the barriers that separates us? Cancelling "self" to create a "whole"? You're just trying to ran away from the issues, like every time, you're not trying to better the world, but instead you're trying to create a situation in which you don't have to try to live. But a life like that is not worth."

Asuka ran towards the bud, and tried to open that. If the bud was there, it must have some kind of role in the ritual she thought. Shinji got up and tried to stop her.

"You're just defending a wretched world"

"Yeah, maybe that's right, but I'm defending my wretched world, and I don't want you to undo it because you never knew how to deal with it"

"You really are ready to return in that reality? The reality without your mother? The reality in which no one understands you and in which the will trash you once you're a nuisance. It already happened, you should understand"

"Yeah, it already happened" the words came out of Asuka's grinning face "but that's another reason for which I don't want to give up my "self", to conquer it and live through it, and even simpler, I just want to save everyone from your sick idea"

The blue bud blossomed violently, pushing Shinji and Asuka back. Blue petals fell all over the LCL and even more were floating around the promised land, in the center of the bud, at the center of the Impact, was Rei. Her expression was a kind one, a strange one for the usually expressionless Rei Ayanami.

"Ayanami"

Shinji ran toward her and hugged her

"We're at the destination Shinji, I'm sorry I couldn't accompany you here. If I hadn't messed up, maybe you would have reached a different conclusion"

Ayanami hugged him back, but Shinji felt sadness in her words

"Don't worry Ayanami, this solution is the right one. We can be together like this, and we can be together with everyone"

"Sorry Shinji, I don't agree with this outcome"

Shinji was speechless, after Asuka, now Rei wronged him. But they should have understood. They were too damaged like him, so why, why were not agreeing on the unification.

"You see, when you saved me, I felt like you gave my life meaning. So I started feeling like not wasting it. Beforehand I didn't care what happened to me, I never felt really scared to board the Eva, and never felt really dissatisfied in living in the role I was created in. But after you saved me, everything changed, you changed me. I wanted to save you, to give your life meaning like you did. But it seems like I messed up. Even so, I was given another opportunity. I'm the core of the Impact, I'm the trigger for everything, and I was here at the center of everything. I should have just played my role and grant the wish of the Third Impact's master, but I cannot anymore."

Blue stripes started immobilizing Shinj

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to save you"

"Wait, don't stop the unification, don't do it, that's not saving, that's damnation"

Rei smiled at Shinji, she smiled for hope in the face of despair while the stripes covered the entire body of the boy, like a mummification. Then Rei looked at Asuka.

"I know it's egoistic, but will you do me a favor Asuka? Can you please retrieve Shinji, can you give him another chance?"

Rei's smile was sad but pure, watching her Asuka felt like she was not needed as a light anymore.

"I will retain his memories of all of this, and put a sigil on Unit-01 for the time being. When the situation will be calmer, will you retrieve him? I'm sure that he can reach a better ending, and I want to believe it"

Asuka scratched her head

"You're too optimistic, see what a mess he created here"

Rei just smiled at Asuka, while in the LCL reflection the unification was being stopped, the stream stopped and the orange sphere disappeared, while the crosses still were all around the planet

"Yeah, and it's a mess from which the planet will not be able to recover easily, but I still believe in him. I want to believe that by giving him another chance, I can gave him the meaning he gave me"

Asuka was not sure Shinji could recover, even with those events wiped from his memories, she felt like he would always reach the same resolution. But at the same time, she understood. Those were Rei's last moments. And Rei's last wish after saving humanity was to save the villain, was to try becoming hope in Shinji's life, even after her demise. But she wouldn't be able to help him herself, she would need to entrust him to someone. Asuka didn't want to cuddle him only to see him becoming the villain again, but Rei deserved to die knowing that Asuka would have tried.

"I will"

Asuka sighed and tried to keep her emotions in check

"I'm sure you'll be able to give him meaning, and I will retrieve him when the time will come, whatever that means"

With another, happier smile, Rei raised her hands. The promised land disappeared and Asuka returned into Unit-02's cockpit on the top of the Giantess. Unit-01 on the other hand was closed in a coffin, and was being raised up in the sky by the Giantess, until it reached outer space, not too far from the hemisphere to be lost in space. With that last protection gesture, the Giantess died, and disappeared, Unit-02 came crashing in the lake, where Mari fought the Eva Series that were now still in a cross poise. The mech survived the fall, but after that last act, the energy went totally off. Asuka was too tired to keep moving, and fell asleep inside the cockpit while the sky slowly became clear.

The next thing Asuka saw was Mari's face, after she collapsed the American girl opened her cockpit.

"You awake princess?"

"Yeah, that was quite a mess though"

Asuka reached to Mari's hand and came out of the EVA only to be met with the lake being totally red and some of the crosses she saw from the reflection being still on the horizon.

"We won, but looking at this scenery, it doesn't look like a win"

"Well, at least we saved what was possible"

"Now the Earth will have even less life on it thought"

The connection with NERV HQ re-opened, and Asuka heard Misato

"Asuka, what happened? Do you know where Unit-01, Rei and Shinji are?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain everything when I get back"

"It doesn't seem like it will be good news"

"Not in the least, just more troubles in the horizon, and a lot of losses to reclaim this victory and it's possibly not even over because of a couple of stubborn idiots. "

"We suffered major casualities, we don't understand what it was, but the Giantess made a devastating blow on Neo-Tokyo, and I think the world at large could be affected. This could be a price to high to recover"

Asuka cut the connection, watched at the disastrous horizon

"But still…We Remain"


End file.
